(The setting is a bedroom of a luxury hotel in Dallas Texas. It is 4.30 am, present day. Iconic pop star, Morrissey, and his musical director Boz Boorer, are in bed. Boz is fast asleep. Morrissey is watching a video on Youtube. He elbows Boz hard in the ribs.)
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L TO R: MOZ AND BOZ
BOZ: (eyes still closed, and sounding disorientated) Eh? What is... who went where?
MOZ: That is quite possibly the most intelligent sentence that you have ever uttered, old son. Wake yourself up, I need wafting, and I need you to look at this.
BOZ: Eh?
MOZ: Wafting, Boz. It's hot in here, I need a waft. Grab a palm leaf and waft away.
BOZ: I haven't got a palm leaf, Moz, and I'm not your wafter, I'm your musical director.
MOZ: Which is why I have woken you. Have you seen this video? (Morrissey hands Boz his iPad, which is playing a song called Unknown Species by Pretty Little Demons. Boz rubs his eyes and watches for about 30 seconds.)
BOZ: Yes, you showed it to me yesterday.
MOZ: (Sounding irritated) How?
BOZ: How?
MOZ: (still irritated) Yes Boz, how?
BOZ: How what?
MOZ: (even more irritated) How has a twelve year old girl managed to get Log Lady to appear on her Twin Peaks based pop video Boz? How?
BOZ: I suppose she just asked her.
(Morrissey looks to the ceiling, and rolls his tongue around the inside of his cheek)
MOZ: Then why didn't you ask her to appear in my Twin Peaks based videos? Can you imagine the impact the spoken word video of World Peace is None of Your Business would have had on sales, if Log Lady had recited the lyrics whilst stroking her log? If I'd had Margret Lanterman and her log rather than Nancy and her sodding brief case, World Peace would have gone viral. Forget number eighty bastard three, I'd have had my first number 1. Same for Istanbul; which despite being yet another piece of hard hitting poetical beauty by you know who, is heading absolutely nowhere near the sodding charts.
BOZ: Istanbul's had 49,000 hits Moz! That ain't bad! 5,000 more than your first one, and it's only been out a few days.
MOZ: Ain't bad? Ain't bad? How many hits has old Coldvoice had with that nauseating song of his?
BOZ: Which one?
MOZ: (shouting) The elephant one, Boz, the sodding elephant one!
(Boz types elephant Coldplay video into Google)
BOZ: 279 million, 904 thousand, 406.
MOZ: Now that ain't bad, Boz, and the song is appalling. Appalling! Log Lady's talents have been completely and utterly wasted on those two girls. How many hits has their video had?
(Boz goes back a page)
BOZ: 9,287.
(Morrissey puts his head in his hands)
MOZ: Losing Françoise was bad enough, but log Lady too! Why me? Why is it always me?
BOZ: What do you mean, Moz?
MOZ: You wouldn't understand Boz, you wouldn't understand. I'm going back to sleep.
Fin
There is very little information coming through from last night's birthday concert in Dallas, and the ONLY video clips to appear on Youtube so far are of the introduction, Everyday is Like Sunday, and a 20 second snippet of FOTGTD. In the introduction, Morrissey says, "The question (pause) the question I have to ask is... where the hell did those 32 years go?"
INTRO:
SUNDAY:
FOTGTD:
Fifi did very briefly pop back in, to post that Pretty Little Demons song which is featured in today's parody piece. I have never heard of the group before, but it transpires that it is made up of 11 year old Marlhy Murphy and 13 year old Lydia Night. To have managed to get Catherine E. Coulson to reprise her role as Log Lady is quite some coup, and why no other group have thought to do this before is bizarre. I, like Moz, blame Boz. Well somebody has to take the blame!
Astraea popped into The Arms at 4.30am (Dallas time) today, and posted this: "Urgent Vacancy: Manservant. Apply within. Bring references, champagne, grapes, and palm leaves. And a tray of cold drinks." I am guessing that a good night was had by all. Nobody replied to Astraea's posting, so she followed it up with: "18 minutes and not one single applicant. Just can't get the help these days! I'm going back to bed. Thank god for Brigitte's legs."
Astraea played a couple of songs on the JB the other day, which I forgot to mention; Françoise Hardy singing Des ronde dans l'eau and Now You Want To Be Loved, plus Nico's We've Got the Gold:
There is no more to report, and there is also no concert tonight, so it might be a quiet weekend. It's been a busy old week, and I can't help wondering what will become of the @itsmorrissey twitter account. SURELY Morrissey isn't going to let 285,000 followers just slip away? One or two might have downloaded Istanbul. There HAS to be more to come from that story, and just HOW did Harvest take control of the account without Morrissey's password. Did Twitter give them access?
TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 20 (AS PRESENTED BY FLUFF RAT AT 4PM TODAY, TO AN AUDIENCE THAT INCLUDED FIFI AND LE TALISMAN DU RAT (HE CHANGED HIS NAME..... AND ALSO POSTED ANOTHER PICTURE:
![Embedded image permalink]()
PICTURE POSTED ON TWITTER BY @THERATSTALISMAN
I've just realised that I am still inside a bracket. I've never placed a photo in a bracket before!)
1. TROUBLE LOVES ME (LIVE IN SANTA ANA... WEARING HIS BLUE ROSE) - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmvZvitpZ_U&feature=youtu.be
2. YES, I AM BLIND (LIVE IN SANTA ANA... RECEIVING HIS BLUE ROSE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sTDWGqBdfo
3. LIFE IS A PIGSTY (LIVE IN ALBUQUERQUE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8CZwDAWvfo
4. WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS (THE SPOKEN WORD) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WltvzfNMiF0
5. ISTANBUL (THE SPOKEN WORD)/ISTANBUL (DOUBLE 'A' SIDE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7fOJZ68gc0 + https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcGGojgYZQw
6. I KNOW IT'S GONNA HAPPEN SOMEDAY (LIVE IN UTAH)/ SOMEDAY FOR PETA (DOUBLE 'A' SIDE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXS7ce8v5qs + PETA video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdMffjLX5T8
7. BULLFIGHTER (LIVE IN UTAH) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=UUvKic3sCNUy08kteJjZdfMg&v=2IMPzDv4qz0
8. GIRL LEAST LIKELY TO (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4maruiJDt5o
9. THE NATIONAL FRONT DISCO (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_D5QtbVksg
10. GANGLORD (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcL4U0Tgwmo&list=UUjce7WXXcWqEvrdahqwCInw
11. SPEEDWAY (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3V_CEd2umeY
12. HAND IN GLOVE (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Zmbd2Q4pY
13. THE ANSWER TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS IS IN THIS LITTLE BOTTLE - KRISTEEN YOUNG (LIVE IN ALBUQUERQUE (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM6PGQQuyiw
14. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY (LIVE IN UTAH) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vp00IFehGuE
15. EARTH IS THE LONELIEST PLANET (LIVE IN LA) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bw8YHZmcdXU
16. PAROLES, PAROLES - DALIDA & ALAIN DELON (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ifJapuqYiU
17. WPINOYB (LIVE IN UTAH) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=UUvKic3sCNUy08kteJjZdfMg&v=b-ulC_dvuBA
18. I HAVE FORGIVEN JESUS (LIVE IN LINCOLN) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xgA6Otdb3Q
19. MEAT IS MURDER (LIVE IN DENVER) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MVhYo_LwVY
20. ASLEEP (LIVE IN DENVER) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upTsf8MAJWI
BUBBLING UNDER
THERE IS A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT - MILEY CYRUS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XKlpU41UJ4
L TO R: MOZ AND BOZ
BOZ: (eyes still closed, and sounding disorientated) Eh? What is... who went where?
MOZ: That is quite possibly the most intelligent sentence that you have ever uttered, old son. Wake yourself up, I need wafting, and I need you to look at this.
BOZ: Eh?
MOZ: Wafting, Boz. It's hot in here, I need a waft. Grab a palm leaf and waft away.
BOZ: I haven't got a palm leaf, Moz, and I'm not your wafter, I'm your musical director.
MOZ: Which is why I have woken you. Have you seen this video? (Morrissey hands Boz his iPad, which is playing a song called Unknown Species by Pretty Little Demons. Boz rubs his eyes and watches for about 30 seconds.)
BOZ: Yes, you showed it to me yesterday.
MOZ: (Sounding irritated) How?
BOZ: How?
MOZ: (still irritated) Yes Boz, how?
BOZ: How what?
MOZ: (even more irritated) How has a twelve year old girl managed to get Log Lady to appear on her Twin Peaks based pop video Boz? How?
BOZ: I suppose she just asked her.
(Morrissey looks to the ceiling, and rolls his tongue around the inside of his cheek)
MOZ: Then why didn't you ask her to appear in my Twin Peaks based videos? Can you imagine the impact the spoken word video of World Peace is None of Your Business would have had on sales, if Log Lady had recited the lyrics whilst stroking her log? If I'd had Margret Lanterman and her log rather than Nancy and her sodding brief case, World Peace would have gone viral. Forget number eighty bastard three, I'd have had my first number 1. Same for Istanbul; which despite being yet another piece of hard hitting poetical beauty by you know who, is heading absolutely nowhere near the sodding charts.
BOZ: Istanbul's had 49,000 hits Moz! That ain't bad! 5,000 more than your first one, and it's only been out a few days.
MOZ: Ain't bad? Ain't bad? How many hits has old Coldvoice had with that nauseating song of his?
BOZ: Which one?
MOZ: (shouting) The elephant one, Boz, the sodding elephant one!
(Boz types elephant Coldplay video into Google)
BOZ: 279 million, 904 thousand, 406.
MOZ: Now that ain't bad, Boz, and the song is appalling. Appalling! Log Lady's talents have been completely and utterly wasted on those two girls. How many hits has their video had?
(Boz goes back a page)
BOZ: 9,287.
(Morrissey puts his head in his hands)
MOZ: Losing Françoise was bad enough, but log Lady too! Why me? Why is it always me?
BOZ: What do you mean, Moz?
MOZ: You wouldn't understand Boz, you wouldn't understand. I'm going back to sleep.
Fin
There is very little information coming through from last night's birthday concert in Dallas, and the ONLY video clips to appear on Youtube so far are of the introduction, Everyday is Like Sunday, and a 20 second snippet of FOTGTD. In the introduction, Morrissey says, "The question (pause) the question I have to ask is... where the hell did those 32 years go?"
INTRO:
SUNDAY:
FOTGTD:
Set list
1. One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell
2. Speedway
3. Ganglord
4. I’m Throwing My Arms Around Paris
5. Earth is the Loneliest Planet
7. The Bullfighter Dies
8. Hand in Glove
9. The Youngest Was the Most Loved
10. Life is a Pigsty
11. Trouble Loves Me
12. World Peace Is None of Your Business
13. Yes, I Am Blind
14. Meat Is Murder
15. The National Front Disco
Encore
16. Asleep
17. First of the Gang to Die
![Morrissey-16.jpg]()
Parody Moz didn't make it into The Twitterdilly Arms for his birthday party yesterday, so it took place without him. A fairly good crowd piled in, which included Mademoiselle Fifi, but she stormed out when somebody decided to start playing Wham! songs on the jukebox. The joke has worn thin, and the playing of Wham! songs is now strictly prohibited in The Arms.
Fifi did very briefly pop back in, to post that Pretty Little Demons song which is featured in today's parody piece. I have never heard of the group before, but it transpires that it is made up of 11 year old Marlhy Murphy and 13 year old Lydia Night. To have managed to get Catherine E. Coulson to reprise her role as Log Lady is quite some coup, and why no other group have thought to do this before is bizarre. I, like Moz, blame Boz. Well somebody has to take the blame!
Astraea popped into The Arms at 4.30am (Dallas time) today, and posted this: "Urgent Vacancy: Manservant. Apply within. Bring references, champagne, grapes, and palm leaves. And a tray of cold drinks." I am guessing that a good night was had by all. Nobody replied to Astraea's posting, so she followed it up with: "18 minutes and not one single applicant. Just can't get the help these days! I'm going back to bed. Thank god for Brigitte's legs."
Astraea played a couple of songs on the JB the other day, which I forgot to mention; Françoise Hardy singing Des ronde dans l'eau and Now You Want To Be Loved, plus Nico's We've Got the Gold:
There is no more to report, and there is also no concert tonight, so it might be a quiet weekend. It's been a busy old week, and I can't help wondering what will become of the @itsmorrissey twitter account. SURELY Morrissey isn't going to let 285,000 followers just slip away? One or two might have downloaded Istanbul. There HAS to be more to come from that story, and just HOW did Harvest take control of the account without Morrissey's password. Did Twitter give them access?
TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 20 (AS PRESENTED BY FLUFF RAT AT 4PM TODAY, TO AN AUDIENCE THAT INCLUDED FIFI AND LE TALISMAN DU RAT (HE CHANGED HIS NAME..... AND ALSO POSTED ANOTHER PICTURE:
PICTURE POSTED ON TWITTER BY @THERATSTALISMAN
I've just realised that I am still inside a bracket. I've never placed a photo in a bracket before!)
1. TROUBLE LOVES ME (LIVE IN SANTA ANA... WEARING HIS BLUE ROSE) - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmvZvitpZ_U&feature=youtu.be
2. YES, I AM BLIND (LIVE IN SANTA ANA... RECEIVING HIS BLUE ROSE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sTDWGqBdfo
3. LIFE IS A PIGSTY (LIVE IN ALBUQUERQUE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8CZwDAWvfo
4. WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS (THE SPOKEN WORD) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WltvzfNMiF0
5. ISTANBUL (THE SPOKEN WORD)/ISTANBUL (DOUBLE 'A' SIDE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7fOJZ68gc0 + https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcGGojgYZQw
6. I KNOW IT'S GONNA HAPPEN SOMEDAY (LIVE IN UTAH)/ SOMEDAY FOR PETA (DOUBLE 'A' SIDE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXS7ce8v5qs + PETA video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdMffjLX5T8
7. BULLFIGHTER (LIVE IN UTAH) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=UUvKic3sCNUy08kteJjZdfMg&v=2IMPzDv4qz0
8. GIRL LEAST LIKELY TO (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4maruiJDt5o
9. THE NATIONAL FRONT DISCO (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_D5QtbVksg
10. GANGLORD (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcL4U0Tgwmo&list=UUjce7WXXcWqEvrdahqwCInw
11. SPEEDWAY (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3V_CEd2umeY
12. HAND IN GLOVE (LIVE IN EL PASO) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Zmbd2Q4pY
13. THE ANSWER TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS IS IN THIS LITTLE BOTTLE - KRISTEEN YOUNG (LIVE IN ALBUQUERQUE (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM6PGQQuyiw
14. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY (LIVE IN UTAH) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vp00IFehGuE
15. EARTH IS THE LONELIEST PLANET (LIVE IN LA) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bw8YHZmcdXU
16. PAROLES, PAROLES - DALIDA & ALAIN DELON (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ifJapuqYiU
17. WPINOYB (LIVE IN UTAH) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=UUvKic3sCNUy08kteJjZdfMg&v=b-ulC_dvuBA
18. I HAVE FORGIVEN JESUS (LIVE IN LINCOLN) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xgA6Otdb3Q
19. MEAT IS MURDER (LIVE IN DENVER) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MVhYo_LwVY
20. ASLEEP (LIVE IN DENVER) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upTsf8MAJWI
BUBBLING UNDER
THERE IS A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT - MILEY CYRUS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XKlpU41UJ4
