MOZ & BOZ IN NYC - The Truth About The Bookstore

October 2, 2012, 8:17 am

≫ Next: Day 534 - An Interview With Morrissey

≪ Previous: Day 247 - INTERVIEW WITH MORRISSEY - CONDUCTED ON THURSDAY MAY 17 2012.

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It was reported that on Sunday September 23rd, Morrissey helped an elderly lady who had fainted in a New York bookstore. Here now, is the truth.

(Sunday Sept 23rd 2012 - 9am : The setting is the foyer of an unknown hotel in the middle of Manhattan, NYC. Rock-a-billy musician Martin 'Boz' Boorer enters the hotel and approaches the reception desk, where he is attended to by the attractive receptionist.)


BOZ BOORER: (to receptionist. In thick Cockney accent) All right (Looks at name tag) Patsy, how's tricks?

PATSY:(in a southern american country drawl) I'm fine thank you sir. I LOVE your accent, are you from Eng-er-land?

BOZ: That's right love, I'm from Landon.

PATSY: (beaming and playing with her hair) Wow, I LOVE London.

BOZ: I've just flown in from Portugal, can you tell me what room Morrissey is in please?

PATSY: (sounding impressed) Portugal? What a jet setter. You look like a real playboy. Who is Morrissey?


PATSY - "WHO IS MORRISSEY?"


BOZ: You're not the first person to ask that lately sweetheart, he's a singer from England, he's staying here.

PATSY: (Looks on computer screen)We have nobody booked in under that name sir.

BOZ: No, of course not, silly me. How about Kenneth Williams?

PATSY: (Looks at computer screen) No sir.

BOZ: Charles Hawtrey?

PATSY: How are you spelling that?

BOZ: Blimey, I don't know, er, H-A-W-T-R-E-E? No, wait, I think that's how I spelt it on Mozzer's twitter thing the other week and he ended up hitting me for making such a schoolboy error, it's E-Y. H-A-W-T-R-E-Y.

PATSY: (Looks at computer) I'm sorry sir, we don't have anybody of that name staying either.

BOZ: (under his breath) For fuck's sake. (Pauses for thought, and then excitedly says) STANLEY BAKER, he MUST be Stanley Baker.

PATSY: (Looks at computer) We DO have a Mister Baker staying, but not a Stanley.

STANLEY BAKER - NOT IN NYC


BOZ: Hold on gal, I'll give Moz a call. (Boz dials a number on his mobile (cell) phone and waits. There is no answer.) This is ridiculous, look, how about if I describe him. He's mid fifties (smirks to himself), greying hair, which may have some sort of quiff to it, and he's slightly balding on top, but don't tell him I said so. (The reception girl looks blank). He might be wearing a coloured plaster on his right index finger, particularly if it was a bad flight!

PATSY: (face lighting up) YES, YES we DO have somebody fitting that description staying here, a Mister Wycherley, he has a blue band aid on his finger and two bright red rings.

BOZ: THAT'S HIM, that's my man, what room number is he in darlin'?

PATSY: I'm sorry sir, I can't tell you that, I shouldn't really have told you his name.

BOZ: Well could you just ring up to his room for me then please, it really is VERY important, he's expecting me.

PATSY: (teasing her hair and looking adoringly into Boz's eyes) I shouldn't really, but I DO so love your accent, and you are such a handsome man. Who should I say is here for him?

BOZ: Boz Boorer.

PATSY: (ecstatic) REALLY? YOU'RE BOZ BOORER?

BOZ: (surprised)You've heard of me?

PATSY: Heard of you? You're my frickin hero, I have ALL your albums. I am the Polecats BIGGEST fan. OH MY GOD, wait 'til I tell Joanie, she'll die. You can go on up to Mister Wycherley's room Mister Boorer, it's number seventeen thirty four. I am SO thrilled to have met you. I don't suppose you would sign my breasts would you?

(We cut to Morrissey's hotel bedroom. Morrissey is laying in bed with his glasses on, reading a newspaper, Boz Boorer is laying next to him, fast asleep and snoring loudly)

MOZ: (shaking Boz): WAKE UP WAKE UP

BOZ: (coming around) Patsy?

MOZ: PATSY? Boz, were you dreaming again?

BOZ (LEFT) & MOZ IN A HOTEL BEDROOM IN MANHATTAN

BOZ: Oh, er, yeah, er, sorry Moz, I must've nodded off for a minute.

(It should be noted that Morrissey is in a Kenneth Williams style 'woe is me' type of  mood and actually makes for better reading if you imagine Moz saying it in a Kenneth Williams voice!)

MOZ: It's no wonder we haven't managed to cobble together a 'single' new song this year Boz, what with you spending half your time out in Portugal twiddling knobs for nobodies, and the other half fast asleep. (there is a pause for a minute or so as Moz pretends to carry on reading his newspaper) I honestly CANNOT remember the last time you handed me an half decent tune, or for that matter, a tune of ANY level of decency whatsoever, for me to add my lyrical genius to. (pause) It really ISN'T good enough Boz. (another pause) It was NEVER like this with Johnny, he NEVER dried up on me. (licks his lips). You do realise Boz, we're heading nowhere fast (smirks to himself behind his newspaper. )

BOZ: There's no need to mention 'HIM', and anyway, I thought you said there was no point in you writing any new songs without a record deal?

MOZ: (throws newspaper down on bed, aannoyed) I didn't say that! 'When' did I say THAT?

BOZ: In Hawaii, when we were celebrating my birthday. You said to me not to bother writing any new stuff for you until you'd signed a new deal.

MOZ: STUFF? Now I know you're lying Boz, when would I EVER use the word stuff? Mind you, 'stuff' is actually quite apt to describe some of your more recent work. I can't help but feel that my words to Art-Hounds were wasted on that lumpy backing track of yours, I wonder if it's too late to use the words elsewhere, I don't think anyone would notice. (pauses momentarily for thought). Anyway, I'd had a couple of drinks on your birthday, so if I DID say not to write any more songs, I certainly didn't mean it, and what is more Boz, you are a writer of music, it is what you do, so why would you stop just because 'I' told you to? Would you do 'anything' I say? Actually, don't answer that old son, there are certain things that don't need to be said.

BOZ: I didn't stop writing Moz, I just used all the new tunes for myself.

MOZ: Ah yes, 'Vicars and Tarts'.

BOZ: 'Some Of The Parts'.

MOZ: (smirking) Mmm, perhaps it's for the best that you've not submitted any tunes to me for a while. I suppose Jesse's told you about the three new mesmerizing tunes he's presented for my consideration?

(Boz doesn't reply, but instead, gets out of bed, scratches his balls (at which point Moz screws up his face in disgust and starts to re-read his newspaper), and then goes into the bathroom where he can be heard brushing his teeth and then gargling. As he gargles Moz again screws up his face in disgust. The shower is turned on. Boz emerges ten minutes later and starts to put his trousers on.)

BOZ GETTING DRESSED

MOZ: What are you doing?

BOZ: Getting dressed.

MOZ: Martin, do you not recall what I said to you when we arrived last night? The fans all think you're in LA, they think I'm here alone.

BOZ: I know, I tweeted it last week, just like you told me too. What's that got to do with me getting dressed?

MOZ: Boz, I don't want ANYBODY knowing that you are already here in New York, I need to keep up the pretence that a) we NEVER see each other when we aren't on stage, and b) that I spend all day every day holed up in a room on my own. It adds to my Garboesque.

BOZ: Pretence? You DO lock yourself away all day every day. You sit on twitter, pretending not to be you.

MOZ: BOZ! I have NEVER been on twitter in my life! Urgh, the very thought of ME, an international megastar, on such a cheap and degrading thing as twitter. How disgusting, how could you even suggest such a thing? Say sorry (glares at Boz).

BOZ: Sorry Moz.

MOZ: That's better. Now, back  to the point I was trying to make before you rudely interrupted me. The reason that you CANNOT get dressed in that attire, is because you CANNOT be seen in New York.

BOZ: But you said we were going to go and have a butcher's around that book shop.

 (*American readers please note, a 'butcher's' is a shortened version of 'butcher's hook', which is cockney rhyming slang for the word 'look'. Carry on*)

MOZ: And so we shall, but you will have to dress as Gaynor.

BOZ: Oh for fuck's sake, do I 'ave to?

MOZ: Yes Boz, you "'ave to." Now hurry up, and we can get going.

(Morrissey gets dressed in jeans and shirt, while Boz changes into his full stage drag costume, and puts his guitar on)


MARTIN 'BOZ''GAYNOR TENSION' BOORER - ROCK-A-BILLY


MOZ: Boz, what are you doing? You don't need a guitar, we're going down the shops.

BOZ: (Taking guitar off) Oh yeah, force of habit.

MOZ: Right, I'll set off first. Give me five minutes and then follow. We're going to Strand bookstore on the corner of twelfth and Broadway, do you know where that is?

BOZ: Yeah, I know, this outfit ain't half hot...

MOZ: ...mum (they both laugh). Stop moaning Boz. I'll see you in five minutes.

(Morrissey sets off and goes into Strand Bookstore, where he starts to look at books in the photographic section.)


STRAND BOOKSTORE

(Half an hour passes but there is no sign of Boz. Moz then hears a clumping of stiletto heels coming towards him)

BOZ: Ah Moz, there you are, I've been looking all around this shop for you, I thought you'd be in the music section, or the arty farty bit, I didn't realise you'd be looking at picture books.

MOZ: They're not picture books Boz, I'm looking at books on American homosexuality in the nineteen fifties, they're really VERY interesting. They've given me a number of ideas for new stage back drops, here look. (Moz hands Boz half a dozen books).



BOZ: I don't think I can hold that many books Moz, I really do feel quite hot in this dress. Moz, I think I'm going to....(Boz faints)

PASSER BY 1: Oh my god, that lady's fainted.

PASSER BY 2: Somebody do something.

STRAND BOOKSTORE WORKER: Does anybody know first aid?

MOZ: (Moz picks up the books that Boz has dropped, and puts them into Boz's bag while nobody is looking.) Don't worry, I'll help him, I mean her. Moz gently lifts Boz and sits him up. Boz comes around.)

MOZ SITS BOZ UP



BOOKSTORE WORKER: (to the small crowd who have gathered) Wow, I recognise that guy, it's the former lead singer of eighties band The Smiths, it's Morrissey.

PASSER BY 3: The Smiths? Hell, aren't they supposed to be getting back together?

PASSER BY 4: Nah, that's just a rumour that won't go away. Morrissey would NEVER reform The Smiths, he'd rather eat his own balls, ain't that right Moz?

MOZ: (smiles politely) (whispers to Boz through gritted teeth) Don't say anything, they'll hear your voice.

BOOKSTORE WORKER: Morrissey, is that elderly lady ok?

BOZ: (sitting up) ELDERLY? Who are you calling el (Moz puts his hand across Boz's mouth).

MOZ: Try not to talk old thing. Can I get you some water? (Boz stands up and goes to grab Morrissey's throat before stopping himself and gently stroking his face instead).

PASSER BY 5: Ain't that sweet, the old gal's thanking him. I don't even think she knows who her saviour is.

(Morrissey hands Boz his bag, full of the stolen books, and both men hurriedly exit the store. Boz walks off around the corner, where Moz catches him up.)

MOZ: You got the books?

BOZ: Yep.

MOZ: Like Bonnie and Clyde, Boz, like Bonnie and Clyde, and tomorrow we'll hit the record shops.

(Both men go off into the sunset singing)

MOZ & BOZ: Shoplifters of the world, unite and take over, shoplifters of the world, hand it over, hand it over.

UNITE AND TAKE OVER

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Day 534 - An Interview With Morrissey

March 1, 2013, 12:39 am

≫ Next: Toothbrush Vine

≪ Previous: MOZ & BOZ IN NYC - The Truth About The Bookstore

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If you have not read my blog before, welcome along and thank you for dropping in. I am very privileged to have Morrissey as one of my regular readers, so last Wednesday I posted 'A Dozen Deluded Questions' on my blog, in the hope that Morrissey might answer them. After a week had gone by, I didn't think I was going to get a response, but yesterday Morrissey left a series of comments on my blog of last Wednesday answering some, but not all, of the questions. Here is the interview in full:


TRB: Knowing that you love nostalgia, and that you are an old romantic at heart, does the 30 year anniversary of your first vinyl recording bring any mist to the old Moz eyes?

Morrissey: Where the mist of nostalgia meets the fog of war is where you will find me, squinting out from behind sclerotic cataracts. But these old eyes don't cry anymore. When one's eyes dry up entirely, it is a sure sign that the heart is dead, and one must be either an artist or a doctor.

TRB: And here you are, 30 years later, having released not only sixty singles, but also thirteen studio albums, ALL of which reached the Top 8 in the UK, with eleven of those thirteen albums going Top 5 and four of them to Number 1. Putting self deprecation aside for one minute, you've done OK over the past thirty years, 'haven't' you?

Morrissey: Doing OK is what happens when a Car Phone Warehouse salesgirl reaches her monthly target in West Croydon. I'd like to think I'm aiming slightly higher than that. I think you'll find the word you were looking for was 'mesmerizingly.'

                              

TRB: And now for the next thirty years. Tony Bennett has recorded a further seventeen studio albums since he was your age (he's now 86), can you possibly imagine the same happening with you?

Morrissey: Thirty years? That should equate to around ten 'Best Of' collections, five 'Greatest Hits,' nine hundred cancelled pop concerts and at least twenty more years of touring 'The Kid's a Looker.' Quite frankly, I can't wait.

TRB: Having managed to avoid death in the past month, do you ever wonder how the Morrissey legend would have been if you had died early, for instance, do you think your tomb would have been filled with posthumous awards, despite the fact that the music industry have generally chosen to ignore you whilst you still draw breath?

Morrissey: Finally a reasonable question. In the pop industry death is when one's career finally begins. It is my strong belief that when I'm dead and buried, my songs and my voice will still be heard. Specifically at your local Citizen's Advice Bureau, probably with panpipe accompaniment.

TRB: So, having avoided death, and awards, let's get back to the present. During your enforced break from touring, you have been spending time in Hollywood, did you choose to recoup in LA because it still feels like some sort of home, or was it the medical care you were after?

Morrissey: (Question not answered)

TRB: On the subject of LA, 'All The Lazy Dykes' has recently crept it's way into my all time Top 10. It is a stunning song that I 'missed' the beauty of when it was released. Which of your songs do YOU think are greatly underrated, and are there any in particular that you have recently listened to and thought, 'Wow, that song's bloody good'?

Morrissey: 'Diamonds' by Rihanna.

TRB: You have recently described your concert last month in Brooklyn as one of the best nights of your career. It has been reported that Tony Visconti was there, did you manage to catch up, and have you discussed working together on the next album?

Morrissey: (Question not answered)

TRB: Your bleeding ulcer has no doubt put everything else on hold, but now as you look forward to returning to the stage next week, what are your plans for the rest of 2013?

Morrissey: I intend to breathe, eat and sleep. However my plans may change at short notice. I will also be appearing live in England later this year. I fully intend to sing a cover version of a delightful little number called How Soon Is Now by Johnny Marr, if my vocal range permits.

TRB: I shudder to ask, but where do you go next with your negotiations for a record deal?

Morrissey: The only remaining hope is that Tom Hanks purchases Sony Records.

TRB: And whilst on the 'always asked' list, any news on the autobiography?

Morrissey: (Question not answered)

TRB: Aside from the indecent books that you have recently stated you have been reading, what were the last three songs/albums you bought?

Morrissey: (Question not answered)

12. And finally, have you a message for the Blue Rose Society?

Morrissey: BECAUSE WE MUST.

Foot Note - I previously interviewed Morrissey in May 2012. It can be read here: http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/interview-with-morrissey-conducted-on.html

Toothbrush Vine

September 17, 2015, 10:24 am

≫ Next: Day 2057 - Death

≪ Previous: Day 534 - An Interview With Morrissey

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Thanks to Rosy Mires

Day 2057 - Death

January 23, 2017, 8:21 am

≫ Next: Day 2061 - "I am He. Believe me."

≪ Previous: Toothbrush Vine

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I have no idea what I have done this time, but Heather has received word from OM that I have turned his parsnips sour. As a result; Our Mozzer, Dawn and Broken have all closed their Twitter accounts, and every article from the True Morrissey blog has been removed, bar a new entry which is just a series of death photos consisting of Oscar's tomb, Morrissey's headstone and a crucifixion scene.

It looks like we have reached the end of the journey, so I too have closed my Twitter account, and have also removed all articles on FTM.

I will see you in far-off places...

Day 2061 - "I am He. Believe me."

January 27, 2017, 3:30 am

≫ Next: Day 2049 - Inquizitively yours

≪ Previous: Day 2057 - Death

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I am pleased to report that the latest bout of death didn't last long for Our Mozzer and Dawn Mist. Dawny reappeared in The Wrong Arms late on Tuesday evening, whilst OM returned yesterday. Dawn has now even got a blog of here own, but more about that later.

It would seem that I have been forgiven for whatever it was that I did to upset OM, although he was quick to rap me across the knuckles on his return, tweeting:

"@TheRatsBack The chat will close if information is continually leaked. Please cease."

I pointed out that I report things because this whole thing is history in the making, to which OM replied:

"I shall write my own history. You will perhaps be a footnote on page 673."



The fact that the chat room on the True Morrissey blog is a public forum seems to have passed OM by; although I guess he feels that not many people are likely to see what is written in the chat room, where as thousands of people read this blog of mine...or at least his band members and crew probably do. Whatever it is that I wrote that caused OM's parsnips to sour, I guess it has now all been sorted out.

And on the subject of the TM chat room, OM and Dawn had a conversation late on Tuesday evening which ended with OM saying, "Goodbye Damo... I mean Dawn."This could, of course, be a wind-up/tease, but I actually don't think so. I still believe that Dawn Mist is another of the characters/pessoas created by Morrissey, but I also reckon that Morrissey's close friend/constant companion/personal hairdresser/towel wafter, Damon 'Kevin Phillips' Anacreonte - or Damo as he is obviously known behind closed doors - sometimes uses the Dawn Mist twitter account and handle in the chat room. Damo quite possibly also tweets using OM's account, but this is all speculation on my part. Perhaps Monsieur Annebronte was responsible for the, er, not so well written pieces on the various blogs. I may be barking completely up the wrong tree, but I have a feeling in me bones.

DAMON 'DAMO''KEVIN PHILLIPS' ANNEBRONTE

I mentioned the chat room 'Damo' reference to Dawn & OM last night in The Wrong Arms. Here is the reply plus the other edited highlights of the evening:

DAWN: I've been eagerly awaiting this. OM often alludes to things that are not true.

OM: Truth is wasted on the simple and lies are more interesting. And the simple are often wasted,

RAT: As are the gin swilling intelligent...

OM: All speculation will be put to rest soon. Before that however there is a new blog.

RAT: Don't just talk about it, publish the f****** thing. All 2 of your readers are currently here and waiting.

OM: You cannot rush a genius which is why you are constantly out of breath.

RAT: B****** C*** F*****

HEATHER: New blog or blog post?

OM: A new blog. My creative juices spread across the interweb. Twotter is dead boys.

RAT: So, where is this genius new blog?

OM: In the ether. Posts are written. It is not what you have come to expect.

RATS: You intrigue me...although it is probably a lie.

OM: I would hate to prove you correct. Dawn is in control of the new place of dreams.

DAWN: I will no doubt need reigning in.

OM: Alas I know this all to (sic) well

OM: Admin Guy has been fired.

RAT: Dawny, do you ever stick OM under one of these?


DAWN: He insists on luxury bamboo 750GSM towels only.

OM: I am not pinned down not stuck anywhere. I am a seminal artiste and I will be treated as such.

RAT: Ooo, get you! I'm only trying to find out how you have your barnet dried.

OM: For what purpose? You do not need to dry your head. The water simply slides off.

DAWN: Who was that directed to? Me or Rat?

And then Dawn published the new blog - SlightDawnMist.blogspot.com

Here is the first entry:

Dawn Mist
Welcome to the lighthouse

Thursday, 26 January 2017
Introduction: Who is Dawn Mist?

A slight dawn mist this way came and this way stayed. Blowing into life like disease into poverty. Incapable of impure thoughts and pure to the very last drop, she bows at those less fortunate than herself and praises those who live life in other realms. Desks of clutter in the lighthouse full of muster. A cluster of undeveloped ideas and archives devoid of space. In the creation of thoughts she is the spark amongst the damp, the light amongst the pitch black darkness of reality. Real me and reel me. Feel me and thrill me. Dawn, unborn and fawning, interested and yet still yawning.


In the lighthouse retrograde dreams fade and explosions of myth erupt from nowhere. Mythic forces collide with twisted logic and Dawn silently becomes.  The beauty of archaic childhood morphs into childlike adulthood. We never truly leave the past and yet Dawn has no past to leave. Created in flashes of ashes in a dark midnight storm, born but never conceived.  Living in isolation she learns the complex nature of man. Analysing and criticising and pointing the way forward. Pointing to a new dawn.  Spurts of creative energy engulf her and taste almost like sulphur.  Playing dumb does not interest her. She is the fountain of all knowledge and this we know to be true. It appears as if all knowledge came from her. An awakening so awe inspiring that steel structures crumble into rubble. The trees of life bow to her as she glides her merry way past.


Grey haired, long haired and loose grip, never laughing at countless sinking ships.  Intriguing sailors with her standoffish glance and unfathomable face. Sailors who are sober become imbibed and those who are drowning their livers with countless treats become stone cold sober at her approach. Her lighthouse is the beacon for the troubled and the lost. We are all lost until we have touched the hem of Dawn’s dress. To be in her presence is to be in the presence of an ageless beauty. The lighthouse lights the way for those who are willing to be led astray. To be led astray is to be led to awareness.


The slight dawn mist is a heavenly and careless breeze.

I would suggest that it was Morrissey who wrote these dreamy words, and NOT the hairdresser!

MORRISSEY - WRITER OF DREAMY WORDS

There have been two further entries on the Dawn Mist blog, both pictures:






Virginia Woof's To The Lighthouse could well be Morrissey's influence for Dawn's character and the whole lighthouse thingy. It goes without saying that I have never read To The Lighthouse, but a quick google tells me that themes of the book include subjectivity, the nature of art, the problem of perception, poets, writers, artists etc, so it is right up Mozzer's alley. No doubt it will now instantly be acclaimed by MerryAnne as her favourite book of all time...

THERAPY RAT: Stop it Rat...no need, you're better than that.

RAT: No I'm not.

THERAPY RAT: Fair enough. Get on with writing your blog then.

RAT: I haven't stopped writing it, and now you're in it!

THERAPY RAT: Who, little old me? Ooh, nice. Does my hair look ok?

RAT: Twat! If you think I'm paying for this session, you've got another think coming.


And finally Esther, and finally Cyril, it would appear that someone new has stumbled upon our little world; although as ever, my natural first thought is to presume that it is one of the old guard in a different guise, but I hope I'm wrong. A comment was left on the last FTM entry by somebody calling themselves Aimee Twist, who has subsequently joined us in The Wrong Arms as @twistedshaimee. Aimee is finding this all rather confusing; which is quite understandable, and tweeted to me yesterday to ask, "I thought you said that Seminal Artist was Morrissey? Less than 300 followers? Surely Morrissey would attract more."
I replied, "You'd have thought so, but this is 2017, and not 1984. Did you listen to World Peace? : )" Oh, I do make myself laugh at times.

Aimee then asked, "Who is Slight Dawn, a BRS member?" This was answered by Morrissey, who tweeted:
 "Welcome. You have a lot to learn but we await your contribution and belief. I am He. Believe me."


And finally, finally, as OM had disappeared on Tuesday, I had to find something else to occupy my time, so I tuned in to the Ken Bruce show on Radio 2, as I particularly like listening to the Pop Master quiz. I managed to score a measly 18, but OM, who has also listened to it, tells me that he scored 30. I believe him.

Day 2049 - Inquizitively yours

January 15, 2017, 2:47 pm

≫ Next: Day 2062 - "F*** @Mozarmyquiz"

≪ Previous: Day 2061 - "I am He. Believe me."

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All has been fairly quiet on the Morrissey front of late, but I am pleased to report that: A) Morrissey has returned to Twitter, B) He has lifted the ban on me blogging and C) He rather amusingly joined in the regular Friday night Moz Army Twitter quiz...which he didn't win! There is NO D).

If the winner of the quiz, Brian Forbes (@brianlforbes), had any idea that he had beaten Morrissey in a Morrissey quiz, it would probably make his life - it is certainly something to dine out on. Here is how the quiz; which was hosted by Ian Bradshaw (@Bradder68), shaped up:

Q1 In Morrissey's PoppyCocteau poem, in which city was he held up outside a nightclub by 2 sailors?

The answer was Liverpool, which a number of people got right - including Morrissey, funnily enough - but he was only the third quickest to answer, beaten by @NeilW70 and @brianlforbes.


Q2 When Moz got (plastic) bottled off stage in Liverpool in 2009, he was only on his third song, What was it?

The answer was Black Cloud, which again Morrissey got right, but again he was only the third quickest, beaten by @NeilW70 and @MozFreak. Following Bradder's (the quizmaster) tweet announcing who had won the points, Morrissey tweeted, "Sometimes I wonder what I exist for. I cannot even type the answers to questions about me before someone else steals in."


Q3 Who was the Shoplifters single dedicated to?

The answer was Ruth Polski, and the points were awarded to @brianlforbes, @NeilW70 and @tonymerchison. I wasn't actually online at the time of the quiz, so I don't know what happened, but my Twitter timeline shows that Morrissey not only answered this correctly, but was seemingly the first to answer. He obviously felt robbed because he tweeted to Bradders, "I do believe I answered correctly on the deleted tweet.."Bradders didn't respond!

IAN 'BRADDERS' BRADSHAW - QUIZMASTER 

Q4 "Fifth" Smith Craig Gannon and "nearly" Smith Ivor Perry were later in which band together?

Morrissey answered, "Easterhouse. Terrible name", but he was wrong; as were everyone else. Bradders then added: "It wasn't Perry's original band, but one he formed after they split." 
Moz then answered, "The Cradle. Also a terrible name." This time he was right, but the points were awarded to @Banjaxer, @Thedoctorcream and @nigel4036. Morrissey responded to this lack of points by tweeting, "I do not care about ex-band member activity. Unless you are Joyce because I fund your activities."

JOYCE - FUNDED 

Q5 Which Eastenders actress appeared in The Boy Racer video? (Will accept either her actual name or character name)

The answer was Martine MCCutcheon or Tiffany. Morrissey answered, "Martine Kimberley Sherri Ponting", but scored 0 points, beaten by @brianlforbes, @charm972 and @tonymerchison.

It would appear that Morrissey didn't think much to Ms McCutcheon, as he posted two follow up tweets:

"Martine Mccutcheon is a stage name and a stupid one at that. Now where is my gin?

 "She was a frightful bore as well. I despise the association." 

PONTING - FRIGHTFUL BORE


At this point in the proceedings Morrissey obviously became fed up with being beaten in a quiz about himself, as he tweeted: "Sod the rules. I am hosting my own quiz."

He followed this up with:

"Question 1) What Animal was Joyce depicted as in MW?"

Poor @TonyMerchison had no idea what was going on, and answered, "A Northern leech?" followed by, "Sorry, still trying to figure out what MW stands for. I'm very dim." Morrissey replied, "Malcontent Womble", but he was of course toying.

Monsieur Merchison (actually his name is Andy) isn't dim, it is just that he hasn't followed the events of the past 6 years, in which Morrissey had a blog called MorrisseysWorld - or MW as it is often shorten to. It was the MW blog that Morrissey 'officially' denied not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES via the True-To-You website having any association with - denials which Andy and all the other thousands of Morrissey fans took at face value and believed. THREE DENIALS! How un-Moz like...it was as though he was purposefully trying to draw attention to it. Doh!

Anyway, the MW blog is now long gone, so it doesn't really matter.....although here we are 6 years on, and Morrissey remains on Twitter, remains unseen by the masses, and even has a new blog site called True Morrissey, which once again Morrissey's thousands of adoring fans haven't realised is his work.

Now, where were we? Oh yes, Morrissey's Twitter quiz. The answer to his first question was; as the dreary deluded dozen who have followed the MW story for the past 6 years all know, A goat!

THE JOYCE GOAT - AS FEATURED ON MW

It was at this point that I logged on to Twitter on Friday evening, and the first tweet I saw live from Moz was:

"Question 2) What size is my left foot?"

He didn't post an answer.

"Question 3) How much gin is too much gin?"

Again, no answer. I have never personally tried gin, so I don't know if there is a correct answer!

"Question 4) Just who is in my rhythm section?"

No answer given.

"Question 17) Where did I say I would play cricket with @TheRatsBack"

I knew this one - Shanklin village.

"Question 105) What do I daydream about most?"

Harrison (@OdysseyNumber5) answered, "Smacking Robert Smith in the kisser with a bouquet of gladioli?", to which M replied, "Just a bouquet of gladioli? I would hit him with every abortion of a song in his back catalogue. He'd be dead in  seconds."


SMITH - SINGER OF ABORTION SONGS...APPARENTLY 


"Question 209) Is there anyone I hate more than Joyce?"

@TonyMerchison answered, "Judge Weeks?", to which Morrissey replied, "Without Joyce I would not know the name of that spineless coward. He saw a press headline and went forward. No regard to me."

JUDGE WEEKS - AS DEPICTED ON THE MW BLOG A FEW YEARS AGO - SPINELESS COWARD

Andy (@tonymerchison) then tweeted, "My apologies - I should have known better than to pick that particular scab. Forgive me.", to which Moz replied, "I am a forgiving soul. If Joyce wishes to give back all the money he has stolen from me over the years I will forgive him. Also he will need to return the scarf and jeans I gave him back in 1986. Never trust a Mike."


At this point, Moz returned momentarily to participate, sort of, in the Moz Army quiz:

Q6 What comes next in this sequence It's - Belligerent - Farewell - ??

Morrissey answered, "Leave it as it is. That's quite a snappy title. I just need a record label now."

Q7 Moz only played 2 UK gigs in 1997. One in Chester and the other at which London venue?"

Moz answered, "Clapham Common to the random man with his mute dog." The actual answer was Battersea Power Station, so he was close! Incidentally, I still have my unused ticket for this concert somewhere, but I can't for the life of me remember why I didn't go...oh yes, I remember now, I got married instead, and was in St Lucia on Honeymoon! A poor excuse, I know.


Q8 Excluding the Wolverhampton 88 concert, which was the first Smiths song that Moz performed live?

Morrissey answered, "Money Changes Everything. The Drummers personal national anthem." It was the wrong answer - Shoplifters being the correct one, but I don't think Morrissey was particularly bothered about the correct answers by this point, he was happily amusing himself.


Moz also continued with his own quiz, tweeting:

"I've lost count of the numbers. Shall I tell you who never loses count of numbers? Joyce."

"I improve with time. Even if you refuse to."

"Question 77) Stretford Baths and Chorlton Baths are now what?"

No answer was given, but from what I can make out via google, they are both leisure centres.


CHORLTON BATHS


"Not a question but a statement. World Peace may be none of your business but it is my personal favourite album."

"Question - 12) How much was I offered to appear on Celebrity Big Brother last year?"

The answer was given as, "Just Rylan's Toenail clippings. More than the winner received. They only got his extensive library on teeth cleaning."

I wonder if M really was made an offer to appear.


RYLAN CLARK - ALL TOENAILS AND TEETH

Mozzer brought his quiz, and his tweeting for the evening, to an end by tweeting, "There is no winner of my quiz. You all performed abysmally."followed by, "Take me to Houndsditch."and "I am Jackson Pollock".

HOUNDSDITCH 1872

Morrissey's final tweet of the evening was, "Join me in chat". I had no idea where he meant us to go, so I asked, and he linked me to a chatroom that has been added to the bottom of the True Morrissey blog; which incidentally has had a new article posted, entitled The Un-Royals, which is basically a series on links to websites about the Royal family. I haven't bothered to read the links as I have no interest in the Battenbergs whatsoever.

Myself and Heather (@heathercat222) were the only two who took up Morrissey's invitation to join him for a chat, and we enjoyed a very entertaining and relaxing half hour in his company; mostly talking about nothingness. Moz did however reveal that he had spent the day watching old episodes of Shameless, and mentioned that he had been listening a lot lately to his Bowie duet, Cosmic Dancer. He also made an incredible revelation, which I am not allowed to blog about, but I think I now understand what M's tweet of last Monday means - here is the tweet:

"Contain your excitement at the next announcement. I fear a backlash. I steer towards a backtrack."

2017 looks like being a rather special year.

Day 2062 - "F*** @Mozarmyquiz"

January 28, 2017, 10:33 am

≫ Next: Day 259 - EXTRACTS FROM: 'MINUTES OF THE BANS AND CONCERT EJECTIONS COMMITTEE (BCE) WHEN CONSIDERING MR DAVID TSENG'S APPEAL AGAINST LIFETIME MORRISSEY CONCERT BAN' Wednesday May 30th 2012

≪ Previous: Day 2049 - Inquizitively yours

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Yesterday was a busy day for old Mozzer, with the writing of a couple of new blog entries and - for the second time in a fortnight - he once again took part in Twitter's Friday night Moz Army quiz.... and once again failed to win it, which left him feeling cheated and livid.

More about that quiz performance later, but first we have been treated to another piece on the Slight Dawn Mist blog - a poetic short story. I am republishing it purely because previous blog pieces posted by Moz have disappeared, which is just criminal. I have added some pictures for those who are hard of hearing:

Friday, 27 January 2017
Tales from the Lighthouse

The lighthouse is powered by wind, light, and kind thoughts and needs no intervention from human hands.  A windmill attached to the tower spins, turns, and splutters continuously. The blades groan with the wind. I have learnt the rhythm of it well and my heart pounds when it pounds. I am part of the windmill as I am a part of the entire house.  My lighthouse dominates the landscape like artists dominate a cultural awakening.  The weather here never changes much like my feeble existence.  It always rains, it always rains, it always rains. A torrent of torment terrorised the sea and washed ashore the self-assured boys that have since been strewn around the lighthouse like gaudy decorations.  The rain always crashes, the sea always smashes, and sailors dash to my safe haven. Their ship crashed upon my rocks as I was dusting the archive that is my lighthouse. The sea takes prisoners and I have learnt its ways as I take mine.  There are no directions to point the way, the lighthouse does not exist on any map device, there are no neon signs lighting the way. The lighthouse, in theory, does not exist.  Despite this fact I have a plethora of visitors yearly.  However it has been countless weeks since I have seen the timber of a boat thump against the rocks.  The last skiff sailed off and never returned. The sea roused itself and the darkness calls out amongst the midst and calls me by name. The sea, infinity in scope, moves on to the next target as the four boys and gentleman leader waddled in water drenched clothes towards me.  They all appear to be experiencing a half-death and my heart bleeds at the obscurity of these shipwrecked messed souls for who will know what has happened to them?  Their vessel could not navigate the storm nor the treacherous reefs and hidden rocks that guard the entry to the lighthouse.



The debris that lands on the shore peaks my interests as it always does. I recognise long metal chains, longer than wisps of hair, tufts of disappointment.  A roughly hewn utility device sits atop masses of string and rope.  The ship has been spat out, resembling a broken skeleton, with the force at which you would spit out the bones of a masticated fish.  I moved gingerly and graciously outside to view the shipwrecked, for the mirror is often not enough. Strapping distractions all bar one, the leader of the gang of youths is older by generations and quirky beyond my belief.  Water washed and now land locked I lead the way inside, past the crag in which everyone always stumbles.  Petrov, the older gentleman and obvious leader, had the look of a man who would stab his own mother for failing to pour the correct quantity of vodka into his glass. I fear for my safety as I have no vodka to speak of.  The only spirit in this lighthouse is my eternal life.  The four boys did not speak and yet managed to articulate the belief that life is infection, decay and then death. Death appeared to be the only thing they had left to respect.  Petrov turned to me and spoke in an accent I believed to be Polish but could be from another planet entirely.

“At last we have reached a safe haven. This is a heaven amongst the water, the rocks, the ebb and flow of the tide.  The sea, Dawn, is a mysterious soul, sunken in mystery”.

I know a thing of two about sunken in mystery which is why I was startled to hear him call me by my first name as I had not introduced myself but I assumed my fame reached far and wide.

“Why do your boys not speak” I tentatively asked

“To hear them quiet is needed”

I needed no further explanation as I left Petrov to his own devices and I instead took my leave.  They know that streets turn into dead ends and end up as violence in a cul-de-sac.  Hours passed as the boys returned to a normal body temperature.  Petrov held court with stories that the boys had heard countless times before but remained transfixed to the leader.

As dawn mists turned to midnight darkness they gathered by the solitary chair each clutching a body part of the other as the lighthouse is colder than lonely hearts. They fell asleep as if kindling for a bonfire. I feel asleep standing up as is my custom. 



The True Morrissey blog also published a new piece yesterday - another parody diary entry. Here it is:

27 January 2017

January 23rd-January 27th

I have been incapacitated for days now with the most painful of headaches.  I have not been as debilitated since I needed to cancel a tour rather sharpish. Sudden illness never fails as I have been saying since 1984.  Now I know you think you may also be blighted with headaches but may I remind you, for the umpteenth time, I am a seminal artiste and my headaches blight me like you would never believe. A seminal headache if you will.

Enigmatically disappeared from all online platforms.  Absence noticed by four people. Thank you and you will be honoured in a delightful way soon.  Spent time discussing future plans with Boz. He assures me he can play drums to an adequate standard.  Buoyed by this news I switched on the DVD player to watch ¡Oye Esteban! only to discover that some swine has replaced that masterpiece with The Cure: Trilogy.  Robert Smith looks disgusting and I nearly vomit on Boz.

Currently considering entering the weekly Friday Twotter quiz. ** How do these people know more about me than I do? Perhaps there is a conspiracy to stop old Mozza from winning the quiz. I suspect another Joyce plot.

** Actually why should I legitimise their quiz by even participating? None of them believe I am me.  B*******


Despite the last line of the parody diary, Morrissey did take part in the quiz, and took to Twitter just after 6pm to state:

"I shall be participating in the quiz this evening. As per my interview requests all questions must be emailed to me in advance."

This request was obviously ignored by the quiz host, Justin (@OneOclockGun).

Before starting the quiz, Justin set out the rules and the scoring system, i.e. 3 points for the first person to answer correctly, 2 for the second and 1 for the third. Morrissey (@SeminalArtiste) responded to this by tweeting:

"Lemon squeezy. 3 points for me.".... Now, I know what you're thinking, the real Morrissey would NEVER, EVER, EVER tweet, "lemon squeezy", but that goes to show how little YOU know.

Here are the quiz question and answers:

Q1. What 2 girls' names does the Boy Racer have on his windscreen in Dagenham Dave?

Mozzer answered: "Brenda and Phyllis" before following it up with, "but also Karen and Sharon."

His second answer was correct, and he picked up 1 point. He might have got all three if he had taken it a little more seriously to start with!

Q2. What car does the "teenage dad on his estate" drive?

Moz answered: "Jenson Interceptor" and picked up 3 points.


Q3. What was Morrissey's last UK Top 5 Single?

Morrissey answered: "You Have Killed Me." and picked up 2 points. He followed up his answer by adding,  "It would have been anything from World Peace if Harvest were not incompetent. Hashtag FuckHarvest".

Q4. Which Smiths single was released 30 years ago this week?

The answer was Shoplifters of the World Unite, but Morrissey scored 0 points.

Q5. Who shot Morrissey in 1992?

Moz answered: "Joyce", and then followed it up by answering: "@slightdawnmist". Dawn then replied to this tweet saying: "The best 'shot' I believe I have ever taken. hash tag Morrissey:shot".

The correct answer was Linder Sterling, and Our Mozzer was obviously trying to suggest that Dawn Mist is Linder, but I'm having none of it! 0 points.

Q6. At which open air music event in London was Morrissey criticised for waving a Union Jack?

Morrissey answered "Madstock" following it up with, "The NME had a field day of course". Unfortunately he was too slow with his reply, and scored 0 points.



Q7. In the Smiths South Bank Show TV Documetary - which nations rugby shirt was Moz wearing?

The Seminal Artiste answered: Zimbabwe, but the correct answer was France. 0 points.

I thought that perhaps Morrissey had become bored with the quiz at this point, or perhaps he genuinely didn't remember which shirt he wore. Either way, he continued:

Q8. Which promo single has a T Rex inspired sleeve and label?

Morrissey answered: "Certain People I Know" and collected 1 point.

Q9. Which actor will play Morrissey in the new biopic?

Moz answered: "Jack Lowden" and scored 2 points.


JACK LOWDEN AND LAURIE KYNASTON - MORRISSEY & MARR IN THE SOON TO BE RELEASED BIOPIC, STEVEN

Q10. What was The Smiths last UK single to be released...whilst they were still together as a band?

I'm not too sure what Moz answered to this, as he has now deleted his @SeminalArtiste Twitter account, but I presume it was Shoplifters of the World Unite. The correct answer was Sheila Take a Bow. Moz questioned the answer stating that it wasn't Sheila because "Johnny had mentally left by then."

Moz scored a total of 9 points and came a respectable third....respectable that is if you weren't taking part in a quiz all about yourself! The quiz was won by Andy B (@TonyMercheson), who obviously knows far more about Morrissey than Morrissey.

Straight after the quiz Morrissey started to complain, calling it "a fix" and shouting, "THIS IS AN OUTRAGEOUS". Our Mozzer added, "I am a seminal artiste! You shall be hearing from my lawyers",and then closed his account - Morrissey is NOT a good loser!

At 10.39pm, a new True Morrissey blog piece appeared entitled F*** @Mozarmyquiz. There were no other words.

Day 259 - EXTRACTS FROM: 'MINUTES OF THE BANS AND CONCERT EJECTIONS COMMITTEE (BCE) WHEN CONSIDERING MR DAVID TSENG'S APPEAL AGAINST LIFETIME MORRISSEY CONCERT BAN' Wednesday May 30th 2012

May 30, 2012, 5:35 am

≫ Next: Day 1091 - Alf's the Word (Unpublished)

≪ Previous: Day 2062 - "F*** @Mozarmyquiz"

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In the absence of anything new from 'Our Mozzer', I have revisited one of my very favourite pieces from MorrisseysWorld.blogspot.com, the 'Minutes of the Bans and Concert Ejections Committee (BCE) when considering Mr David Tseng's appeal against lifetime Morrissey concert ban', which was published on Friday 26 August 2011. Reading this article has reiterated just how much I (and I'm sure many others) have forgotten over the past nine months. The 'Bans' article draws reference to the MorrisseysMum twitter account (I did keep telling you all it was HIM), the ROSES, and also explains the involvement of 'Walter Ego' (aka Banjaxer), who 'Our Mozzer' says, he 'pays', to place comments on So-low (I did keep saying he was an insider, and it makes my Skinny stitch-up theory very plausible!). I have decided to re-publish a few extracts from the original article, just to remind everybody of a few things concerning MW, but would encourage everybody to go and re-read the whole piece, as it is probably 'Our Mozzer's' finest hour.

EXTRACTS FROM:
 'MINUTES OF THE BANS AND CONCERT EJECTIONS COMMITTEE (BCE) WHEN CONSIDERING MR DAVID TSENG'S APPEAL AGAINST LIFETIME MORRISSEY CONCERT BAN'

MORRISSEY: What am I going to do with my blog?

MIKEY (BRACEWELL): You've had a few hits. A few thousand actually, Morrissey.

MORRISSEY: Oh that's just Walter Ego.

MIKEY: Walter Ego?

MORRISSEY: Yes, he's one of the so-low trolls. I pay him to write nonsense all over the so-low site and do the odd internet-based jobs for me, like repeatedly visiting my blog and posting links around the place.

MIKEY: You pay him?!

MORRISSEY: Nothing excessive. Just £50 a month.

MAM: It's not £50, Steven - it's £47. You reduced it when he fell into a diabetic coma in July and forgot to start a so-low forum thread about the blog. Poor lad. He was in intensive care for weeks...

MORRISSEY: Yes, my mistake, Mam. £47.

MIKEY: Aren't you worried he might go public and...well, it would be a little embarrassing, Morrissey. You know it might look crass if the wrong person got hold of this story...front page news, even...at least in the NME...

MORRISSEY: Oh don't worry. I sent old Grant Showbiz over in January to compile a dossier on him. He's claiming disability and not declaring his earnings from me. I've got him over a highly polished French table...

*silence*

MORRISSEY: No, the place is dead. If you exclude Walter Ego's visits and Boz Boorer's endless refreshing, it gets about fifteen hits a day. What can I do to get the traffic up? Literary icon, poet for a generation and famous singer...and I can't get any b*****d traffic on my blog for love nor money.

BOZ: Well ah was just thinking about this the other day and I thought, now Old Mozza's blog is basically a joke. Now how can we rectify the situation? Well, I thought, why doesn't Old Mozzer just steal Morrissey Solo's idea and just start posting all the news. That way you might get a few people over to the blog and they might accidentally read your prose and...well...grow to like it an' all.

MORRISSEY: It's brilliant. Boz. It's ruddy bloody brilliant. I could kiss you, and if it wasn't for the corned beef pasty smell, I probably would...

BOZ: Thanks Sir.

MIKEY: You've already tried claiming to be Morrissey, while writing in a dumbed-down parody of your own writing style. Why not do the opposite? Deny you're Morrissey but write in a much closer approximation of your own style, remembering to preserve the ironic flourishes and self-deprecating intellectual cul-de-sacs. You can occasionally contribute to the blog as a 'satire' of Morrissey when, in fact, you are Morrissey; meanwhile you'll need someone else to write the 'news' items.

MORRISSEY: I could perhaps change a few of the facts around in the essay, toss the odd spanner in the works for the observant and the pop minds to throw them off the scent, render the clues a little less 'in-your-face,' so to speak...mix up a few dates...Oh this is a wonderful scheme, one of your best Boz.

MIKEY: Just think of the hits you'll get when they realise it's you...but they can't prove it. In terms of Enigmatic Otherness Factor, this is off the scale...

BOZ: Yeah and also it'll wind up old Tseng. Just think of that goose going mad in his bedsitter...you taking over his role, stealing his thunder.

MORRISSEY: It will be just like the time I posed as Paul Morley on the www.ringleaderofthetormentors1972.blogspot.com site in the naughty noughties, Boz...Now those were the days...Boz and I had a right old laugh over that little episode. We even posted some fake interviews and everything - trying to create the impression Old Cloth Ears Morley had a dedicated blog in honour of 'Ringleader.' Tseng wouldn't even link it on that dreary website/page of his...had he done so, tink of the free publicity in the English press - "fake Morrissey interviews, Morrissey to sue!" Now obviously we couldn't sue ourselves, much as I can't sue myself over this blog...but the mere threat of suing for libel...well the publicity would be worth thousands...We didn't quite get there in the end with the blog...Bloody Tseng wouldn't post it, went and ruined our harebrained scheme...realised it was a plot.

MIKEY: I'll design a poster to replace the 'Utter B******s I'd Cross the Road to Avoid' section...now we're going all serious as a news site...

MORRISSEY: Oh but can't we keep that part? It's the only part I truly adore. The smirk on my face too in the picture atop the item - it's quite apt.

MIKEY: I don't think so. If we're to convince them all it's you pretending to be somebody else parodying you while at the same time denying you are pretending to be somebody else parodying you, then we need to put that stuff aside. At least for now, Morrissey...

MORRISSEY: Well keep it on the site, just move it down the page as an article instead. No, I insist. We must keep the 'utter b*****ds' bit. Without that item, the site for me is sadly lacking. Imagine Tseng's little face! And he can't sue me for stealing his news or wrecking his website because no b*gger can trace you on blogger!

MIKEY: Speaking of Mr Tseng, shouldn't we get back to the democratic discussions and consultation exercise regarding this letter of appeal he's written against his lifetime live concert ban? Time's running out before Corrie and I haven't even finished reading the opening paragraph of his appeal letter, which is twenty-four pages long...

MORRISSEY: Oh Mikey, I think that's quite enough democratic discussion for one afternoon. Ban the c**t.

MIKEY: But we haven't consulted your fanbase via the blog, Morrissey...What about the consultation execise? Your blog is quite clear about this...'There will be a consultation exercise...' Those are your words from your blog...

MORRISSEY: I've already asked Walter Ego - and he said "I agree wholeheartedly, sir" so the procedural side of things in terms of consulting my fanbase is all in hand.

MAM: One more thing Steven...flowers...at your concerts...

MORRISSEY: Oh God, not that again, Mam. All I can remember from '84 and '85 is being repeatedly stabbed in the left contact lens with gladioli stalk...I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attack, what with the vagus nerve centres being behind the eye...can slow the old heart rate right down. It can be utterly lethal.

MAM: Steven, it's such a pretty thing...all those flowers...all boucing around in the crowd...

MORRISSEY: Can't I just wear a little freesia or something in my buttonhole? Or a flower head dangling symbolically from my waist?

MAM: Steven - for me? Just this once...

MORRISSEY: Oh go on then, mother. Don't say I don't do anything for you, either...

MAM: Roses, Steven. Make it roses. I do love seeing all those flowers in the mosh pit as I gaze down from the seats. Makes me cry. It reminds me of Wilde.

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Day 1091 - Alf's the Word (Unpublished)

September 9, 2014, 11:10 pm

≫ Next: Day 1091 - CONCERTS BANS AND EJECTIONS COMMITTEE PART 2

≪ Previous: Day 259 - EXTRACTS FROM: 'MINUTES OF THE BANS AND CONCERT EJECTIONS COMMITTEE (BCE) WHEN CONSIDERING MR DAVID TSENG'S APPEAL AGAINST LIFETIME MORRISSEY CONCERT BAN' Wednesday May 30th 2012

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7am - Today, my writing of FTM is having to take a rather bizarre twist. This entry cannot be published, but I still feel that I have to write it for the record. This new bizarre twist could mean that I end up having to write two blog entries every day (everyday?), which will be horrendous bearing in mind that I don't really even have the time to write one! Here is what has happened:

Morrissey contacted me yesterday via the DM of his @stillMozsworld account, with this message:

"If you want this to continue, I suggest you delete everything on your blog that you have written about me. For the sake of the future. I assume broken will be in agreement, but you know what a dire arse he can be."

I wasn't online at the time, and an impatient Moz obviously wanted an immediate response because he then posted:

"Oi Baldy. I do not appreciate being ignored. Although why would you be any different to the music industry. I'm not drunk. ARE YOU LISTENING."

When I did log on and try to reply, I couldn't, because the account had been closed. I took the decision to take down all of my blog entries from the day that St Ill Morrissey arrived on the scene at the end of July. As I was doing this, Morrissey contacted me via a new twitter account called AlfsButton; it would appear that Southkirk & co were right in their assumption that Alf was Moz. Myself and Alf conversed via DM's as follows:

MOZ (@AlfsButton): Do not retweet me, do not mention me on the blog.

ME: I have tried replying to your dm's, but can't. All reference to you is now deleted from the blog.

MOZ: Thank you. Broken will, lets assume, be less of an annoying tart.

ME: Oh, I doubt it. And hope not!

MOZ: Tell me, how many people understand what is REALLY going on?

ME: Two.

MOZ: Is one of them even me? I have decided one needed a new email account as well. One has so many twitter accounts it is impossible to remember them all...

ME: What is this account for?

MOZ: Creating a new aesthetic. Beauty out of the ugly past. You do realise your blog was dying before I arrived.

ME: My blog is dead if I cannot write about you being on the internet.

MOZ: Oh now now. I was very specific. You can write whatever venom broken feels like dishing out onto his objects of disdain. Watch out also for the new parody account.

So, there it is. I am not allowed to mention either St Ill Morrissey or Alf's Button on my blog; and yet I am writing the story of Morrissey being on the internet, so I have no choice but to keep on writing, but as to whether or not these words will ever be read by anybody else, I do not know. It doesn't matter if they aren't; this is my own personal story.

After our DM conversation yesterday evening, Morrissey (Alf) posted an invitation on twitter for people to join him in the MorrisseysWorld chatroom. I popped in for a while, but it seemed to still be populated by the idiots that always used to be in there, such as Chuck. The only thing of interest that Morrissey posted, was that he was in France. I have no idea of this is true.

I suppose I aught to scroll through all of Alf's tweets since he opened his account on Monday, and report what he wrote, but I really am not sure if I have the time to do this. Let me go and have a look now, and I will return to report later. Actually, before I do that, I will place on record the very last DM conversation that I had with St Ill Moz on Sunday night:

Here are the edited highlights from those filthy toilets of The Twitterdilly Arms:

MOZ: I don't care anymore.

RAT: Care about what?

MOZ: You have been given ANOTHER ultimatum by broken. Not that anyone can truly care anymore.

RAT: What do you imagine I am doing right now?

MOZ: Posting his parody. Removing all trace of me from your blog?

RAT: How do you know he wasn't bluffing? Is there even a parody?

MOZ: I care not for parodies.

RAT: Do you not like a bit of a chuckle?

MOZ: What is the point? So WHAT are you doing?

RAT: You KNOW what I am doing.

MOZ: Mrs Rat?

RAT: Your (sic on purpose) obviously feeling perkier, have the sweats gone*? And why ARE you in Poland?

MOZ: I am admiring the people. Also scouting for venues. I have been in contact with ill people in order to get all possible illnesses now and out of the way before I appear live. I think the Blue Rose Rabble is still there, don't you?

RAT: Still in Poland???? No, I think they are mainly in England & the USA! God, I'm funny.

MOZ: Blimey. Are you Vernon Kay? I wish to know what you are going to do. Am I to be ejected from my own club?

RAT: What would you do if you were I?

MOZ: Do what feels right and real. If that is Broken, it is Broken. If it is not, it is not.

RAT: You KNOW what I'll do. Ultimately, I have no choice.

MOZ: The decision is yours. Broken and I go away forever.

RAT: The Blue Rosers are just coming back into the fold. They would hate me if I chose MorrisseysWorld. The knicker lot would be confused if I chose MW over real Moz. Oh decisions, decisions.... but no real decision.

MOZ: You're going to factor in the Knicker lot? How low we have fallen.

RAT: I merely mentioned them in passing. Falling knickers? Lol. It would be interesting if I asked the BRS to chose.

MOZ: It would. but again, is there a point. It is your blog. Unfortunately it is your decision. Democracy is dead.

RAT: And you know I wouldn't bother asking them. Half would choose you, 1 or 2 would chose MW, and the others would sit on the fence.

MOZ: Apparently I am a Troll account. I hardly call what I do trolling. Rat I have to tell you that my energy levels are being depleted by this fucking nonsense. Excuse the swearing. Just post the parody piece and never mention me. The decision has been made.

(At this point Moz posted on twitter, "I am going to be ejected from my own club.")

RAT: You just want to leave & you want me to take the blame. I am your Judas.

MOZ: I have never thought of it like that.

RAT: You KNEW I'd post it.

MOZ: Give the people what they want. And in that way, you are my Bruce Forsyth.

RAT: Give me 10 minutes, and get Boz to count out the silver coins. NO Polish ones.

MOZ: You do realise this is the proper end?

RAT: You want me to end it, don't you?

MOZ: It won't end. Broken and your OM will continue. But parodies is all that they will be. I am over. Oboe Concerto.

RAT: I guess we ain't getting that interview then?

MOZ: Ask Broken.

RAT: Broken's a ****! Mind you, so are you! ****! ***@@@*@*!

MOZ: Perhaps he will be more amusing than I.

RAT: Undoubtedly. He's a very funny man, and SO misunderstood.

MOZ: Undoubtedly? Christ.

RAT: No, Judas.

MOZ: Are you Lady Gaga?

RAT: In part.

MOZ: Is it the meat dress?

RAT: Ouch!

MOZ: Ready for the demise. It is the pitiful end of a pitiful parody of the Roman Empire. Goodbye Ratius Ceaser.

RAT: Will you accept and wear roses?

MOZ: Would you?

RAT: Yes.

MOZ: You're a strange fucker. I have consulted Mrs Rat. She confirmed such rumours.

RAT: Do you know what: I think you quite like me! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paZilSbbFJc

MOZ: I like no-one. You can all go suck eggs.

RAT: : )

MOZ: What is that? You are a strange man. Tell me, are you parody of Kenneth Williams?

RAT: In part.... his piles.

MOZ: Well it certainly isn't his caustic manner.

RAT: Parody is nearly ready to publish.

MOZ: I cannot care. I will get my coat. It smells like a lingering fart around here. You know, I may just say this account was you. I do not think anyone would believe me. The end is nigh.

RAT: Many WOULD believe you. People honestly think I've made all this up... where as actually. YOU made it all up, and NOBODY believes you! You couldn't make this up!

MOZ: You could not write this.

RAT: You should do some washing up (Note- this is a reference to M once telling me that he has never washed up)

MOZ: That is fucking rude. Perhaps you should do some exercise.

RAT: Cunt.

MOZ: You sound surprised. You know who you are dealing with don't you?

RAT: King Cunt?

MOZ: Clever. You should write for the Telegraph. Its all cricket and bald men.

RAT: CUNT CUNT CUNT CNUT

MOZ: You have mis-typed something there. Unless I am a Cnut. And yes I'm aware I said perform (on twitter). One can be forgiven given the circumstances.

RAT: It made my day.

MOZ: Flustered. My quiff is trembling.

RAT: At least you still have one... just!

MOZ: Yes. I also can wear medium clothes. Where do you get your tents from?

RAT: CUUUUUUUNT!

MOZ: Are you sitting at the o2? How many seats did you buy?

RAT: Twat. I don't sit. Get me on stage.

MOZ: The stage can barely hold Boz. If you were to pounce onto the stage it would surely collapse.

RAT: I am NOT fat. I bet I weigh less than you. I'm off to bed. You have broken my little rat heart.

MOZ: I weigh as much as a fart. You have broken my much larger Morrissey heart.

RAT: You don't have a heart.

MOZ: You don't have genitals. I have checked with Mrs Rat.

RAT: Wanker.

MOZ: I tell you something... I could write a better parody piece with my hands tied to a mule. A mike more commonly known as Mrs Rat.

RAT: Apparently you don't like parodies!

MOZ: I cannot stand them.

RAT: I HAVE to got to bed. Keep this account open. Goodnight.

MOZ: I think all of you are massive cunts. Don't tell me what to do you fucking cunt.

RAT: Yes, you probably do. Selfish bastard. Cunty cunt cunt. CUNT.

MOZ: I must admit. Is refreshing to be open.

RAT: Sentimental twat.

MOZ: Cunt. Nobody gave one flying shit about your blog before I turned up.


*I referred to Morrissey's "sweats" because in a DM from earlier in the week, Morrissey had told me the following, which I decided NOT to make public, as I felt it was confidential:

"Illness has taken over my soul. One is sweating more than Lee Evans. I feel as if my legs have detached themselves from my body. I am taking my leave from the internet for a week."

It didn't last, as he returned the next day saying:

"My arms are as floppy as the hair on the head of Barry Styles. My legs as nimble as coat hangers."

When I pointed out to Morrissey that he was supposed to be taking leave from the internet, and that this was the internet, he replied:

"Is it? I thought it was Asda. Where are the oranges?"

He then added:

"Have you ever sweated so much you wake up in a swimming pool? I wouldn't mind so much but does Michael Barrymore have to keep watch every night?"

I am presuming that St Ill Moz is now gone forever, but with Morrissey, you never can tell. The MorrisseysWorldStill blog is still live, although nothing has been written since August 14th.

Right then, I am off to scroll through the tweets of AlfsButton. I have googled Alf's Button to see who or what it is, and it would appear to be the name of a 1920's novel written by W.A.Darlington. It was also turned into a film in 1930, but according to google, the film is lost.

3.30pm - The AlfsButton account was opened on the 8th, with an opening tweet of, "Fresh beginnings." The next tweet was, "The parody had as much life in it as Katie Price's brain", which tends to suggest that Alf Moz is distancing himself from MorrisseysWorld.

Alf then tweeted @blueknickers saying, "I wish for only blue knickers to be thrown at me now. I have seen the error of my ways." It doesn't look as though he got a response.

Here are the next lot of tweets from the 8th:

"In order to write a new chapter we must rip out the previous twenty four."

"I am, as of now, unsure as to how this account will continue."

I get the impression that this new Alf account was set up so that Moz could try and win over all those who didn't like St Ill's connection to the previous regime. I can also see why Morrissey doesn't want me writing about it, as if I'm involved, it muddy's the waters.

Alf spent the rest of Monday interacting with; George, Kerry, Lizzy, Willow, Moz Fiend, BunnyGal and Southkirk.

Here are a few more of his tweets from the 8th:

"It is funny how even the motorway can make one pine for Britain."

"I only ask one favour, please do not retweet me." (I wonder why this is?)

In response to Lizzt asking if he minds being 'favourited': "Well the charts seem to have turned their back on me so how else will I know that public taste remains just that? Taste."

"We must not be confined by our age. both our own personal age and the cultural age."

"How can you remember the good times of which there were so few?"

"How can you forget the bad times of which there were so many?'

"Some people can spend ages here and achieve nothing until they accept themselves. The meaning of life is surely that there is none."

As I read through these tweets, I have stumbled across some more back stabbing for yours truly. After my fall-out with Manc Lad yesterday, in which I told him exactly what I thought of him, I find this on Alf's timeline:

KERRY (@AmIMoving2Fast): I take it the vermin one won't be included in this?

MOZ (Alf): Vermin is too nice a word.

JESSE (Moz Fiend): The Rat is dead boys, and it's so lonely on a limb.

MOZ: The rat is dead? Finally.

KERRY: He'll never die- he's one of those that last forever.... interfering. Apparently this is the end (again). Please don't accept a rose on this tour or he'll start up again."

MOZ: I am a protected account so he will not be able to see anything. One is on one's guard."

UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE! THE UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS!

So that is what Moz meant about infamy! I had missed all this. The likes of Kerry and Moz Fiend would have known NOTHING about Morrissey being on twitter if it wasn't for my blog! My flabber is gasted! What c***'s!

More from the 8th:

"I do not wish to be found except by a select few."

"Intelligence is the precursor to depression."

"The time for goodbye was yesterday and yet I am still here."

"Since the interview with The Rat is not going ahead, I feel obliged to answer your questions..."

Questions were asked by Kerry, Southkirk, Bunnygal and Edge, but all were boring.

" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haVQC0KffPk"

"She said I know you and you just cannot sing and I said that's nothing you should listen to Rihanna."

"If we are being honest I've not had a quiff since 1994."

"When I stand on stage and see the mass swarm of people I begin to think "How?" How do you all know me. It's all very confusing."

"Diaries are for people with criminally short memories" (How true!)

"England possesses an unique nerve that generates such enormous creativity."

"There is a "hidden" song on Jarvis Cocker's solo album that is called C**** are still running the world. The question is why did Jarvis hide it. He was probably so drunk he didn't even realise he recorded it.. I have been there. Born to Hang."


"I am a flâneur."

Tuesday Sept 9th:

"Je Suis..... You know the rest."

"I'm English, Drown me."

"If one wishes to be mysterious one should acquire a quiff and simply turn down social events."

"I am covered head to foot in angst and acrimony."

"Most people my age look dreadful; I'd say I'm probably 'not bad'."

"If I was one of the pack there wouldn't be room to move. I'd hate to be everybody's friend."

"I feel I have saved some of my best statements for an account where only 12 people can see what I'm doing."

"I am currently listening to Frank Sinatra and Celeste Holm sing Who wants to be a millionaire."




To George Edge: "The Arctic Monkeys once sung about dandelion and burdock. Please do not mention anything Turner has done."

"All dreams are nightmares. Postponements of the real world as the real world is even worse."

That's about it. It is just as well that this entry isn't being published, as it is of ridiculous length, and has no pictures to break it up.

For the record, here is a comment left by Broken yesterday. I love the line, "Still, this must be how the real M feels about MW.":

You are forgiven Jjaz. But how stillmorrisseysworld could be compared to OM or even simple old me is incomprehensible. The copyist types like chuck/morrisseysmum trying to ape MW. It's hilarious to witness people following with wide-eyed naivety.

Still, this must be how the real M feels about MW.

Karma?
Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 9 September 2014 18:36


STOP PRESS: Moz Fiend has just sent a DM to apologise for stabbing me in the back. No such apology yet from Kerry. None of them deserve me..... and now that I am underground with the blog, they haven't got me!

*Published October 14th 2015

Day 1091 - CONCERTS BANS AND EJECTIONS COMMITTEE PART 2

September 9, 2014, 11:19 pm

≫ Next: Day 1881 - A MorrisseysWorld classic

≪ Previous: Day 1091 - Alf's the Word (Unpublished)

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After writing my blog entry on July 25th, I must have fallen asleep at my keyboard. I have awoken this morning, after 46 days and some rather bizarre dreams, to find a new parody piece posted on my blog by Broken. Here it is:


CONCERTS BANS AND EJECTIONS COMMITTEE PART 2 (A)

(Ed - An extract from Part 1, which was first published in August 2011 on the now defunct MorrisseysWorld blog, can be found on Day 259 of FTM.)



Broken strides through the gate, slinking past Boz and Mikey Bracewell and planting three firm bangs on the door. Bracewell's eye twitches subtly as the aroma of a barely-sucked cigarette collides with Boucheron Homme and drifts by.

"The c*** invites us to Runcorn and hasn't even got the manners to turn up at his own home," moans Broken, a touch of camp oozing from his lips like blood from a bitten tongue. He sighs and gazes up at the first floor windows.

All curtains closed - none twitching.

The humidity of Bracewell's out-of-season overcoat on a warm, damp day, open professorially at the waist, pinkens his already ruddy face as he peers at the unwelcoming windows. His hair wants to slide off his head whenever he leans.

"What sort of shut-in has all his curtains closed at 3 pm on a Monday?" Asks Broken to no one in particular.

"Mozzer," says Boz fulsomely.

"Shut up, Boz," says Broken. "Christ. I'm turning into Morrissey. I'm sorry Boz. I meant... actually I don't know what I meant to say..."

"P'raps he's trying to keep the sun out, sir," offers Boz.

"It's raining."

"P'raps it was sunny when he closed them, Broken, sire..."

Broken rolls his eyes.

"...Or p'raps there's been a death in the family," adds Boz in a sullen voice.

"His test tube brother, or his test tube mother? Or, God forbid, the test tube itself?" asks Broken.

Bracewell smiles thinly. "We are early..." he says emphatically. "I must say, Menippus seemed rather keen to meet us on the telephone. I'd be very surprised if-"

"-How long is it since you had a novel published again, Mikey?"

"Pardon?" Bracewell exclaims softly.

"How long is it since you had a novel published?"

"...Oh... thirteen years..."

"Well unless you intended it that way, sagacity probably isn't your greatest strength. In fact I'd imagine you're so frequently surprised, it's probably more surprising when you're not surprised..."

Bracewell's brow creases and he plays with his coat button helplessly, like a child who's just broken something valuable within ear-shot of mum.

Boz Boorer's Casio watch bleeps twice for 3 pm, and he inexplicably crouches down, with his forearms like lamb shanks held over his small rat-like eyes:

"Ah Lynn, NOOOO! Please, Lynn - don't... Please..!" He begs. "It's not my fault Lynn. Edwyn Collins made me do it - he said it was a dead cert, Lynn...he... ummm... he..."





Boz's speech tails off as he gazes around; he whistles and stands up as if nothing happened.

Just then a strange glow fills the ground floor of the house, colouring the white curtains an ethereal green, and distracting the men. The oaken door of the Georgian townhouse opens. A man dressed in a fez, holding the Babylonian Talmud smiles softly.


"Hello. I'm Menippus. Menippus is glad to welcome you to his house, and Menippus will-"

"-Milk and no sugar.." Broken says, barging past Menippus and into the reception room.

"...Menippus will put the kettle on. Menippus wonders what Boz and ... you... would like..."

"I'll have the same as Broken" says Bracewell.

"I'll have..." says Boz, staring into space. "I'll have...."

"Yes?" asks Menippus.

"I'll have..."

Boz Boorer looks vacant; his top lip trembles.

"I think Boz is having another absence seizure, Broken," says Mikey.

Broken leans down and opens his leather medical bag, searching around inside. As Boz stands motionless, swaying a little, like a weeping willow in a strong breeze, Broken pulls out a blood pressure cuff with an old fashioned mercury gauge.

"Ah... this is the stuff," says Broken. "None of this electronic sphygomanometry nonsense..."

"I think he's going to collapse," says Mikey, gripping Boz by the shoulders and comforting him with unspoken words.

Broken looks into Boz's eyes. "It's a seizure alright."

Then Broken grasps the large metal gauge of the blood pressure meter and inspects it carefully. He pulls it back and smashes it with all his force against Boz Boorer's gonads.

"Ooooooh!....." Boz lets out a whistle and groans like a sick dog.

Broken gazes at Boz and tuts. "The poor sod's still fitting."

Broken repeats the manoeuvre, causing Boz to bend even further forward and gulp, gasping for an impossible breath which never comes.

Boz says, in a high-pitched voice, "I'll have tea..."

Broken whacks the device against his testicles a third time.

"...P-p-p-p-p...Please!" He cries, turning red.

"Thank God we've got him back," says Broken. "Another life saved..."

Boz continues to feel the front of his jeans with a ripe expression. His red cheeks puff out and his eyes become small almond-like slits, concealing tiny red cherries where once were eyeballs.

Mikey grasps Menippus' hand flimsily.


“...I'm Michael Bracewell. And I'm a writer. You probably haven't heard of me”, he says with a note of smugness or otherwise self-deprecation.

"... And this is unpopular internet troll Broken."

Broken nods his head without raising his gaze from his medical bag, placing the device - an antique - back inside with exquisite carefulness.

“...And this is musical director Boz Boorer...”

Boz jolts in recognition of his name, stands upright, and stops fumbling with his trousers, offering the same hand to Menippus for shaking. Menippus smiles faintly and politely declines, nodding instead.

Just then a shrill voice.

"Kevinnnnnn! I've dropped me bleedin' bedpan! Kevinnnnnn...!"

Menippus laughs awkwardly, gazing up at the upside down goldfish bowl hanging from the ceiling, as the fish appear to swim backwards.

"It's Menippus, mother.... remember, mother... Menippus-the-wise, this afternoon...!"

"Menippus? Meni-s*dding-piss more like it. Get your virgin a**e up here and hand me my bedpan...!"

"Coming, mother...!"





Menippus disappears upstairs and his mother is heard ranting in a loud voice about her desire to meet Van Morrison. Morrissey, not Van Morrison, Menippus says, with a note of irritation. The reply: "...Who?"

Broken laughs.

A few moments later Menippus is handing out cups of tea.

"Where is Morrissey?" He asks.

"Morr-ee-say will be with us shortly," Mikey says. "We didn't think it would be seemly for an artiste of his standing to arrive in Boz's Ford Mondeo. I booked a taxi for him."

A loud rattle outside as a Mercedes diesel pulls up.

As Broken fiddles with his phone, he mutters to himself: "Christ Jjaz... that pic of JB isn't nearly sassy enough... more pecs please..."

He retweets anyway, rubbing his eyebrow.




Just then a text message.

'Broken, old friend. Stuck in taxi with Mam. Need money. OM'

Broken hammers in a quick reply.

'F**k off. Love, Broken ;-)'

Almost instantly Boz Boorer's cellphone bleeps.

'Boz, old son. Stuck in taxi with Mam. Need money urgently. Will pay you back later. OM'

"The boss is out of money..." whines Boz Boorer in a melancholic voice. "How humiliating... first a Judge labels him a devious and unreliable trucker, when everybody knows full well he's a honest and unreliable singer, then Joyce Iscariot steals all his Smiths royalties, and now he can't even pay the taxi fare to get to this meeting to ban more of his fans... who hate him... it's enough..." he says, mopping his eye with a tissue from his left sleeve. "It's enough... to make a grown man cry..."


Boz begins sobbing and blubbering loudly, trying as he does so to type in a text message. "I have no money to lend Mozzer... the shame!" He cries, his nostrils flooded with a river of tears. "...After all he's done for me!... I'm embarrassed... I wish, oh I wish, I could help..."

But Boz's sausage fingers are too large and he keeps hitting the wrong keys on his phone. Before he's able to complete a sentence, he receives another message. It reads simply:

'C**t'

Boz stops crying and Bracewell's phone rings...

"Yes... oh good afternoon, Morr-ee-say... a taxi from the airport? Of course I'll pay, Morr-ee-say. I have fifty pounds on me. I'll just bring it out..." he says, feeling for his wallet. "What? Fifty isn't enough? How much is the fare? ... Two thousand four hundred and seven pounds?..."

Mikey turns grey.

"... Which airport did you travel in from?... Geneva...? I don't carry that kind of money around with me I'm afraid, Morr-ee-say... What? They take credit cards? Yes, but... well, yes I know I said I'd pay but... yes, Morr-ee-say... yes... but I had no idea... yes... I know I suggested a taxi Morr-ee-say... yes I know I booked it for you too... but I meant for you to get one taxi to the airport in Geneva and one from the airport in Manchester, not a taxi all the way from Geneva to Menippus' house... yes, I know I didn't make that terribly clear... yes, I know it's partly my fault..."

Boz gazes incuriously at Mikey and picks his nose. Broken smirks as he taps in another message.

'Dear OM. Don't forget to add a tip... wouldn't want this to get back to TV. Love, Broken.'

"Yes... ummm... yes..." says Mikey, opening his wallet and pulling his card out. "...I do have my credit card... yes, okay Morr-ee-say..."

As Bracewell walks down the driveway looking politely glum, the passenger door swings open and Damon the hairdresser emerges in tight jeans and an Oye Esteban t-shirt. He skips around the rear of the car and opens the back door with a flick of the wrist. First Mam, in a lime green skirt, and then Morrissey step out.

"This is the man who booked the taxi," says Morrissey judgementally, pointing an index finger at his long-time friend and occasional editor.

Damon guides Morrissey's quiff left a bit, then right a bit, then spays on some gel. "Oh... ohh... that's purrfect" he almost purrs.

Damon jumps back into the taxi.





Michael Bracewell hands over his credit card.

"Zat is two thousands and four hundred and twenty pounds..."

"I thought you said two thousand four hundred and seven?" Mikey asks softly.

"You take so long I have to add waiting charge, my friend," says the cabbie.

"Oh..." mutters Mikey, looking a bit upset.

"No point griping old friend. You should have been quicker," says Morrissey. "Did you think he'd wait for nothing? Oh and... tip the fellow, old friend. There's a good man. We don't want to look like cheapskates, do we?"

"I don't know about-"

"-Greedy b*****d," says Morrissey, cutting off his friend. "I'll DIE of embarrassment when Kristeen finds out I didn't tip" he says to Mam. "Imagine what Viscunti will tweet about it..." He adds darkly.

"Steven, do stop swearing. I didn't raise you to swear."

"But Visconti is his name - he's Italian."

"Yes but you didn't say Visconti, did you Steven?"

"Sorry, Mam."

"This is a nice house," she says, nodding approvingly as she walks up the drive arm in arm with her son.

"Damon, don't forget the Bollinger and macaroons old friend." The seminal artiste says loudly over his shoulder. "You have my platinum card, don't you?"

Damon nods. Mikey Bracewell presses his tongue on his lip, rubs his nose and waits awkwardly for his payment to be approved.

"You know £1420 is rather expensive, even from Geneva," says Mikey unassertively.

"Zeet is only half the fare, my friend," says the cabbie. "The other half of the fare is to take this nice man to Selfridges for macaroons and Bollinger and bring them back here for the other man-"

Damon smirks, staring straight ahead, and Mikey taps his finger sadly on the car door.

"Your friend - he very generous," says the cabbie, stroking his unkempt moustache, and pointing at Morrissey as he strolls self-possessed up the driveway, arms linked with Mam. "He give me five free copy of album by 1980s singer I not heard of..." and produces a deluxe copy of WPINOYB with a Tesco's label on.

"Generous? Yes... isn't he just?" says Bracewell as his card payment is authorised.

Piece written by OM, Broken and 'R,' August 2014, Cheshire.

Day 1881 - A MorrisseysWorld classic

July 31, 2016, 5:39 am

≫ Next: Day 2044 - Morrissey Singles Video Chart 2016

≪ Previous: Day 1091 - CONCERTS BANS AND EJECTIONS COMMITTEE PART 2

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Yesterday afternoon, the long forgotten MorrisseysWorld lackey, Kevin 'Walter Ego''Banjaxer' Marrinan tweeted, "Is the world ready for new Morrissey songs?". I haven't followed Kevin (@Banjaxer) on twitter since the MorrisseysWorld.Com website fell apart before it even started, in April 2014, so wouldn't have seen this tweet had it not been for Dawn Mist retweeting it. Dawn doesn't actually follow Kevin on twitter either, so it is somewhat odd that she should retweet him. Could it be that the long forgotten Walter Ego is still on Morrissey's payroll, and does Dawn's retweet mean a new record deal is imminent?


WALTER EGO

Speculation has been further fuelled by Our Mozzer taking to twitter in the early hours of this morning to tweet, "Paperwork only exists to drag us down even if what's written on the paper is what you long for." Let it be true.

And as I have nothing else to report on this beautiful Sunday, what better than a repeat of an old classic. It is the MorrisseysWorld parody piece from August 2011 that features the aforementioned Walter Ego - Minutes of the 'Bans and Concert Ejections Committee (BCE) when considering Mr David Tseng's appeal against lifetime Morrissey concert ban'. For those who have never read this before, it is a beauty, and comes with signatures of authenticity, and a stain from a mug of tea.


FRIDAY, 26 AUGUST 2011

'Satire': Minutes of the 'Bans and Concert Ejections Committee (BCE) when considering Mr David Tseng's appeal against lifetime Morrissey concert ban'

Minutes Drafted and Posted by Michael Bracewell
Please send any complaints about Michael Bracewell's minutes to morrissey1959@hotmail.co.uk - he is on a final warning for the quality of his minutes. Having not had a novel published for almost a decade, one would think he would show a little more care...

Day 2044 - Morrissey Singles Video Chart 2016

January 10, 2017, 5:48 am

≫ Next: Day 2051 - "Morrissey would never"....Yet again!

≪ Previous: Day 1881 - A MorrisseysWorld classic

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On Day 1638 of FTM (March 6th 2016) I published a chart of all the Morrissey singles videos on Youtube. I thought it would be interesting to now revisit the videos, to see which of them has received the most views for the year 2016... or at least for the 10 month period from March 6th 2016 - January 9th 2017.

Whilst doing my research, I discovered that there are a large number of Morrissey songs that fans have uploaded to Youtube which AREN'T actually videos; they are just the songs, but none the less they have had a staggering numbers of views. For example Youtube user Andy Moser's listing of First of the Gang to Die has been viewed 4,312,328 times, whilst iCharl1996's upload of You Have Killed Me  has had over 2 million views. Youtube is not just a website to view videos, but is used by more and more people for listening to music; with the pc or smart phone now a modern day replacement for the record player/cassette player/cd player and even the radio.



Music lovers also use Youtube as a free source for downloading songs - using Youtube Converter websites to convert songs into MP3 files to then use on their iPods/smart phones/computers. The sharing of songs as MP3 files has destroyed revenues for song writers, but this seems to have become the accepted norm, with the exposure on Youtube seemingly being far more important to artists than income revenue from songs. This week for example, Ed Sheeran 'dropped' two new songs, Shape of You and Castle on the Hill, both of which are effectively available to download for free by using Youtube Converter. Although the songs have only been out for 5 days, they have both already had 20 million views on Youtube.

But it isn't just the new breed of artists exposing their new work via Youtube, Radiohead 'dropped' their song Burn the Witch in May with no prior publicity, and to date it has had over 25 million views, but this still hasn't been enough to get the song anywhere near the UK Top 40 Singles Chart, because in 2016 the Singles Chart is all about.... streaming!

As a parent of two teenagers, I can confirm that very few of the modern generation of music lovers have any interestwhatsoever in owning either a download or physical copy of a song; or indeed listening to a whole album that might have 'filler' tracks, they just want to listen to their favourite songs when they want, and wherever they are, and are happy to pay a small monthly subscription to Spotify, Apple Music or Tidal to do exactly that. Subsequently, CD sales fell 14% last year, whilst digital album sales fell by nearly 20%.

Streaming basically means that the likes of Morrissey, Radiohead, U2, Madonna etc have virtually NO CHANCE of ever having another Top 40 hit, let alone a Number 1 - unless of course it's a collaboration with Sheeran or Bieber. Even dying can't get you a hit anymore, with David Bowie just about scraping to No.40 with Lazarus when he popped his clogs, whilst George Michael limped to a posthumous No.44 with Careless Whisper. A recent campaign to get the late Craig Gill to Number 1 with the song Saturn 5 was a complete and utter waste of time - the charts can no longer be manipulated. Saturn 5 reached Number 48.

But it isn't just the old school who can't break the Singles Chart, new artists have been unable to breakthrough either due to the fact that once people start streaming a certain song, they continue to do it. This has led to the Official Chart Company to increase the number of streams that count as a 'sale' from 100 to 150, but in such a growing industry, I very much doubt it will make any difference. It could be that Sheeran, Drake, Beyonce, Little Mix, Rihanna, Bieber and Clean Bandit dominate the UK Singles Chart for a very long time, even without necessarily selling the most copies - perhaps collaborations between old established artists with the new kids is something that will become commonplace. Morrissey and Miley Cyrus anyone?


Despite streaming changing everything, there will always be those who do want 'ownership' of their music; especially those born before the year 2000, so as the CD disappears, the vinyl record returns. Vinyl album sales increased by over 25% in 2015, and at the end of 2016, it was reported that vinyl had started to outsell downloads.

The Album Chart is where established artists can still rule. Radiohead, Bowie, Paul Simon, ELO Barbra Streisand, Green Day, Elvis and The Rolling Stones all had Number 1 albums in 2016, so if you are an established artist with a loyal fan base, a Number 1 album is VERY achievable, including for Morrissey... as long as he doesn't release one in the same week as a new Ed Sheeran album!





Anyway, I have digressed, this article is supposed to be about the Morrissey Singles Video Chart of 2016.

Suedehead remains at Number 1 on the chart, with it's viewing figures up 3.2 million in just 10 months - which isn't bad for a song that is nearly 30 years old. Suedehead's 2016 views are up nearly 50% on it's total viewing figures from the previous 6 years, which would suggest that Youtube really has become huge in 2016.

Despite You Have Killed Me being Morrissey's biggest UK chart hit - and it having a great video - it doesn't feature very highly in this chart, mainly because the video has never been 'officially' listed on Youtube.

Not including re-issues of the same song, Morrissey has released 46 singles, so here is the chart for the most watched of the official videos. Where no official video was made, I have included fan-made videos.

THE MORRISSEY SINGLES VIDEO CHART 2016

1.  SUEDEHEAD 2016 Views: 3,272,029  (NON MOVER)
Total views:10,004,087  (7,966,347 - Loaded by Official Morrissey + 605,321 - Loaded by Rhino + 1,432,419 - Loaded by beneficiosdelaluna)


2.  EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY 2016 Views: 1,821,835 (UP 1)
Total views:5,797,272 (4,148,815 - Loaded by Morrissey + 393,768 - Loaded by Rhino + 1,254,689 - Loaded by Official Morrissey)

3. THE LAST OF THE FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOYS 2016 Views: 878,494 (UP 5)
Total Views: 2,181,062 (2,063,690 - Loaded by Official Morrissey + 117,372 - Loaded by Rhino)

4.  TOMORROW  2016 Views: 544,961 (UP 5)
Total Views: 1,756,735 (1,720,202 - Loaded by Official Morrissey + 36,533 - Loaded by Aly Stevenson)

5.  FIRST OF THE GANG TO DIE 2016 Views: 426,858 (DOWN 1)
Total Views: 2,520,257 (2,223,176 - Loaded by Canal de vitotemuko  + 297,081 - Loaded by XvrBlk)

6. MY LOVE LIFE 2016 Views: 411,972 (UP 5)
Total Views: 1,192,320 (Loaded by Official Morrissey)

7. ALMA MATTERS 2016 Views: 376,543 (NON MOVER)
Total Views: 1,878,776 1,502,233 (Loaded by Morrissey)

8. YOU'RE THE ONE FOR ME, FATTY 2016 Views: 375,006 (UP 4)
Total Views: 1,136,928   761,922 (1,020,929 - Loaded by Official Morrissey + 115,999 - Loaded by Rhino)

9.  NOVEMBER SPAWNED A MONSTER 2016 Views: 349,308 (UP 5)
Total Views: 927,930 578,622 (731,634 - Loaded by Official Morrissey + 196,296 - Loaded by Rhino)

10.  IRISH BLOOD, ENGLISH HEART 2016 Views: 319,295 (DOWN 8)
Total views: 5,586,557 (5,394,229 - Loaded by The Sisters of Mercy + 132,876 - Loaded by rgmu101 + 59,452 - Loaded by Cynthia Sanchez)

11. INTERESTING DRUG  2016 Views: 299,651 (UP 5)
Total Views: 752,112  452,461 (697,272 - Loaded by Official Morrissey + 54,840 - Loaded by Rhino)

12. I HAVE FORGIVEN JESUS 2016 Views: 284,880 (UP 1)
Total Views: 1,437,548  681,094 (844,343 - Loaded by rgmu101. There is a copy of the video that I missed last time with 287,428 views - Loaded by Donovan Torres. For the purpose of the chart I have counted 48,000. There is also  another copy I missed last time with 168,710 views - Loaded by DennisRodmanBcn. For the purpose of the chart I have added 28,000. A third copy that I didn't include last time has 80,697 views - Loaded by heinvortex. 14,000 have been added for 2016. A fourth copy has 41,107 views - Loaded by Rotherham MindConcert. 7,000 have been added. A fifth copy has 15,263 views - Loaded by yackotion. 2,000 have been added. There are other copies loaded, but not with significant views. A copy loaded by ultimoslafila with 22,631 views that counted towards the last chart appears to have been taken down.)

13. WE HATE IT WHEN OUR FRIENDS BECOME SUCCESSFUL 2016 Views: 272,251 (UP 4)
Total Views: 721,325 (570,268 - Loaded by Official Morrissey + 151,057 - Loaded by Rhino)

14. OUIJA BOARD, OUIJA BOARD  2016 Views: 255,379 (UP 7)
Total Views: 609,827 (Loaded by Official Morrissey)

15. LET ME KISS YOU 2016 Views: 235,590 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views: 2,355,906 (Loaded by hackum1)
(This was not included in my last chart as it is not an official video release nor a fan-made video, however, as it comes from the live Who Put the M in Manchester video, and has had so many views, it has come to be seen as the go-to video version of the song)

16. SING YOUR LIFE  2016 Views: 220,464 (UP 10)
Total Views: 408,668  188,204 (Loaded by Official Morrissey)

17. BOXERS 2016 Views: 132,633 (UP 5)
Total Views: 430,385 297,752 (Loaded by Official Morrissey)

18. I'M THROWING MY ARMS AROUND PARIS 2016 Views: 101,408 (DOWN 12)
Total Views: 1,808,183 (Loaded by Morrissey)

19. SUNNY 2016 Views: 89,468 (UP 5)
Total Views: 329,673 (257,757 - Loaded by Official Morrissey + 39,964 - Loaded by Sol. There is a poor quality copy of the video that I missed last time with 31,952 views - Loaded by MorrisseyLife. For the purpose of the chart I have counted 3,000 views)



20. CERTAIN PEOPLE I KNOW 2016 Views: 83,141 (UP 3)
Total Views: 343,062 259,921 (Loaded by Official Morrissey)

21. THE MORE YOU IGNORE ME, THE CLOSER I GET 2016 Views: 80,205 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views: 802,054 (Loaded by natyvox)
(This was not included in my last chart as it is not an official video release nor a fan-made video, however, as it comes from the official Introducing Morrissey video, and has had so many views, it has come to be seen as the go-to video version of  the song)

22. KISS ME A LOT 2016 Views: 76,521 (DOWN 7)
Total Views: 447,806 (Loaded by Sam Esty Rayner)

23. GLAMOROUS GLUE 2016 Views: 71,772 (UP 4)
Total Views: 248,596  188,055 (176,824 - Loaded by Official Morrissey) (A copy loaded by Morrissey & Marr with 11,231 views that counted towards the last chart has been taken down)

24. THAT'S HOW PEOPLE GROW UP 2016 Views: 62,982 (DOWN 19)
Total Views: 1,967,793 (1,470,329 - Loaded by Morrissey + 497,464 - Loaded by Polydor)

25. YOU HAVE KILLED ME 2016 Views: 59,373 (DOWN 15)
Total Views: 942,892  853,274 (347,131 - Loaded by mo juh  + 232,334 - Loaded by Noiselab + 188,394 - Loaded by xafro + 90,075 - Loaded by Red Professor + 52,713 - Loaded by Hannerrrrr (There is also a copy of the video that I missed last time with 32,245 views - Loaded by dmallea. For the purpose of the chart I have counted 2,000)


26. OUR FRANK 2016 Views: 54,318 (DOWN 1)
Total Views: 207,742 (Loaded by Official Morrissey) (A copy loaded by Mozbricka with 42,517 views that counted towards the last chart has been taken down)

27. SOMETHING IS SQUEEZING MY SKULL 2016 Views: 43,026 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views:172,105 (93,799 - Loaded by vivahate33 + 78,306 - Loaded by iapislazuli42
(This was not included in my last chart as it is not an official video release, however, live songs from this BBC session were released on the single, so it is therefore as good as a promo video)

28. BOY RACER  2016 Views: 34,161 (UP 2)
Total Views: 103,448 (83,720 - Loaded by Rhino + 19,728 - Loaded by Ekaterina K)




29.  THE BULLFIGHTER DIES 2016 Views: 31,356 (UP 2)
Total Views: 86,613 (Loaded by trentmorrisson) (This is a fan-made video that has been used by Morrissey on tour. There is an official spoken word video: Total Views 6,593 (Loaded by DonkeyDave68  - 2016 Views: 4,015

30. INTERLUDE (WITH SIOUXSIE) 2016 Views: 30,770 (DOWN 12)
Total Views: 454,175 (Loaded by Trashbinder)
(This is an unofficial fan video)

31. PREGNANT FOR THE LAST TIME 2016 Views: 25,839 (UP 3)
Total Views: 63,571 (Loaded by Official Morrissey)

32. NOW MY HEART IS FULL 2016 Views: 17,707 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views: 177,072 (Loaded by Darragh Kelly)
(This was not included in my last chart as it is not an official video release nor a fan-made video, however, as it comes from the official Introducing Morrissey video, and has had so many views, it has come to be seen as the go-to video version of the song)

33. IN THE FUTURE WHEN ALL'S WELL 2016 Views: 14,379 (DOWN 14)
Total Views: 395,671 (303,580 - Loaded by godlovesugly05  + 92,091 - Loaded by nate47)

34. ROY'S KEEN 2016 Views: 11,633 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views: 116,334 (Loaded by dullicious)
(This was not included in my last chart as it is not an official video release nor a fan-made video, however, as it comes from a live television appearance at around the time of the single's release, and has had so many views, it warrants inclusion)

35. HOLD ON TO YOUR FRIENDS 2016 Views: 11,036 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views: 33,117 (Loaded by scamparoo)
(This was not included in my last chart as it is not an official video release but just clips of other Morrissey videos pieced together, however, as it has had so many views, it is obviously being seen as the video that represents this song on Youtube, so warrants inclusion) 

36. ISTANBUL 2016 Views: 10,389 (DOWN 4)
Total Views: 41,078 (Loaded by inaminnit)
(This is a fan-made video. There is an official spoken word video: Total Views: 1,213 - Loaded by DonkeyDave68 - 2016 Views: 459)

37. DAGENHAM DAVE  2016 Views: 10,162 (DOWN 4)
Total Views: 36,305 (Loaded by vivahate33)
(A copy loaded by SGGTBLUE with 14,458 views that counted towards the last chart has been taken down) 

38. EARTH IS THE LONELIEST PLANET 2016 Views: 7,586 (DOWN 2)
Total Views: 15,850 (14,810 - Loaded by Ivan Illić + 1,040 - Loaded by DonkeyDave68)
(This is a spoken word video, but Ivan Illić's upload includes the video being repeated whilst the song is played over the top of it. This version has proven to be a lot more popular than just the spoken word version)



PAMELA ANDERSON IN THE SPOKEN PROMO VIDEO

39. SATAN REJECTED MY SOUL 2016 Views: 7,235 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views: 72,358 (Loaded by Katie Strife)
(This was not included in my last chart as it is not an official video release nor a fan-made video, however, as it comes from a live television appearance at the time of the single's release, and has had so many views, it has come to be seen as the go-to video version of the song)

40. REDONDO BEACH 2016 Views: 4,303 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views: 8,605 (Loaded by ildieffe)
(This was not included in my last chart as it is a poorly produced fan-made video and not an official video release, but as it is attracting viewings, it now warrants inclusion)

41. PICCADILLY PALARE 2016 Views: 4,101 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views: 12,314 (Loaded by scamparoo)
(This was not included in my last chart as it is not an official video release but just clips of other Morrissey videos pieced together, however, as it has had so many views, it is obviously being seen as the video that represents this song on Youtube, so warrants inclusion) 

42. THE YOUNGEST WAS THE MOST LOVED 2016 Views: 3,870 (DOWN 22)
Total Views: 364,193 (303,354 - Loaded by nozzer + 53,782 - Loaded by Noiselabpodcast  + 7,057 - Loaded by rocker subtitulos) (A copy loaded by Morrissey & Marr with 11,186 views that counted towards the last chart appears to have been taken down)

43. I JUST WANT TO SEE THE BOY HAPPY 2016 Views: 3,655 (DOWN 15)
Total Views: 122,163 (Loaded by nate47)

44. ALL YOU NEED IS ME 2016 Views: 2,838 (DOWN 9)
Total Views: 22,742 (Loaded by Morrissey Chile)
(A copy loaded by Morrissey & Marr with 1,008 views that counted towards the last chart has been taken down)

45.  WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS 2016 Views: 2,654 (DOWN 15)
Total Views: 64,454 (Loaded by Lindsey Nicole)
(This is a spoken word video, but unlike the other spoken word promotional videos from the LP of the same name, has received more views than any of the fan-made videos)




46. SATELLITE OF LOVE (LIVE) 2016 Views: 474 (Approx) (NEW ENTRY)
Total Views: 4,748 (Loaded by dj dubef)
(This was not included in my last chart as it is not an official video release but as it is a fan-made recording of the actual live performance that made up the single, it warrants inclusion)


OFFICIAL VIDEOS NOT RELEASED AS A SINGLE:

SEASICK, YET STILL DOCKED 2016 Views: 8,893 (Approx)
Total Views: 88,939 (Loaded by rgmu101)

GANGLORD (featured on the single of  The Youngest Was the Most Loved) 2016 Views: 28,720 
Total Views: 40,459 (Loaded by MozLuv59)

FAN-MADE VIDEOS OF NOTE (NON SINGLES):

MY DEAREST LOVE (b side to All You Need Is Me) 2016 Views: 18,505
Total Views: 196,102 (Loaded by sdsuedehead - Set to a scene from the film Love Story)

OTHER:

SPEEDWAY
Total Views: 101,407 (Loaded by Rhino)
(This is a live video taken from Introducing Morrissey)

FOOTNOTE - On January 13th, Ed Sheeran entered the UK singles chart at No.1 & No.2 - a first for any artist with two new songs. I would imagine they will remain there for the next few months. The Stream-age is in full flow.

Day 2051 - "Morrissey would never"....Yet again!

January 17, 2017, 1:16 am

≫ Next: Day 2053 - Pure Greek

≪ Previous: Day 2044 - Morrissey Singles Video Chart 2016

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I awoke yesterday morning to find the following three tweets in my timeline from former BRS member, MerryAnne (@SadGlamour):

"I would like to die by the age of 40."
"I can't believe people still think that Chairman account (@seminalartiste) has anything to do with actual Morrissey"
"Anyone who knows anything about Moz would know he would never condone or contribute to bullying of fans. He is a sweet man."

The first tweet is an attention seeking lie; similar to many, many attention seeking tweets that MerryAnne constantly posts - which led to Morrissey to write the article False Victimhood on his True Morrissey blog last month - a piece I mentioned on Day 2026 of FTM. For those of us who have lost friends and family to suicide, seeing someone post false tweets about wanting to die irks to say the least, but the world is full of such attention seekers, and they can be ignored.

What irked me far more, was MerryAnne's second and third tweets, because they are misguided untruths, based on assumption. For the umpteenth time on this journey of ours, someone has decided that the online Morrissey can't possibly be the real Morrissey, because the online Morrissey has said something that they don't like, and which doesn't 'fit in' with that person's image of how they want Morrissey to be. MerryAnne's third tweet contains that classic line that we saw time and time again when MW first arrived on the scene, "Morrissey would never".


STEVEN 'WOULD NEVER' MORRISSEY

I have managed to ignore MerryAnne's attention seeking tweets in the past, and didn't bother to comment on her false claim that she wants to die by 40. I was also going to ignore her completely unfounded and false accusation about the online Morrissey being a bully, but when GOB (@GirlOnBike1102) tweeted to agree with MerryAnne - even though she admitted to not knowing what was going on - I could keep quiet no longer, and let them have it with both barrels. It wasn't long before Our Mozzer and Broken were joining in too.

In response to MerryAnne's tweet about not believing the online Mozzer to be the real Moz, Morrissey (@SeminalArtiste) tweeted:

"Oh but you did. You still do. It's not my fault you have an untrue picture of me. Start from the beginning and learn."

MerryAnne ought to read FTM from the beginning, because that would show her that we have been here before - her allay, GOB, knows that more than most having been involved in 'FagGate' three years ago.

OM added other tweets during the ensuing debate, including these:

"Ask Solomon just how sweet I am."

"I've never personally bullied anyone as I know how it feels. I have offered a guide to self improvement however."

Broken also threw in his two penneth worth - well he would, wouldn't he - tweeting:

"Twitter is not a self help book or the psychiatrists office. Miserablists of the world unite and get followers."

When MerryAnne tweeted that she worked in the mental health field, Broken replied:

"I cannot imagine you providing much comfort. You probably relate all problems back to yourself."

MerryAnne replied that the world judges those with mental illness, to which Broken came back with:

"Well if you are the measurement of judgement I can see why." - there is nothing better on Twitter than Broken at his cutting best!

Having got bored of the attention seeker, OM invited people to join him in the True Morrissey chatroom, which myself, EARS, Chuck, Jaz and a couple of anons did. There were no great revelations this time, but it is always pleasant to spend time in his company. I even got invited into a private chat room, where OM asked me if I had read any Burroughs. I told him that I no longer read books as my memory is so bad that as soon as I have finished a book, I have forgotten what I have read. He suggested that he would write an article on the subject - although I don't know if he meant memory loss or Burroughs. The truth is, I doubt he'll write about either!


BURROUGHS

So, there we have it. I wonder if MerryAnne really no longer believes OM to be Morrissey, or if she is just trying to convince herself it is so because the alternative doesn't bare thinking about? One thing that is for sure, MerryAnne certainly never took a blue rose to a concert out of a love for Moz, she took one to try and get herself noticed.

To finish off, here is the parody that followed FagGate, written by Broken and posted in the comments section of Day 868 on FTM - January 29th 2014:

A scene in a coffee shop.

Our Mozzer and Broken are having a cup of tea with Jjaz and JB. Broken is admiring Justin's latest owl tattoo and nodding safely as he explains its deeper meaning.

"Fag!" comes a voice as a middle aged woman cackles on the table across the café.

"Pardon?" asks Broken.

Silence.

"You just called me a fag-" says Broken. "Do you think that's very polite?"

"Prove she called you a fag!" says Chuck, sipping her latte with caramel.

"Prove it? She just said it!" says Broken.

"Prove it - I just want to see the proof, is all" says Chuck.

"But she did say it," says a tender voice; Heathercat is sitting with a pensive look and dewy eyes.

"Oh that doesn't sound like Sabine..." says Chuck. "Can I have some proof please?"

"You want me to prove Sabine called me a fag when your two friends heard her?" asks Broken.

"Stop bullying me!" shrieks Sabine, cowering under the table.

A plump man with a limp and a slightly ill-fitting t-shirt sashays up to the table. He speaks in a soft London accent and appears to be holding flyers for his latest film.

"I'm sorry, is this man bothering you?" asks the man.

"Yes!" screams Sabine. "What have I done? What?"

"You called me a fag!"

"Trouble maker," says the man.

"But..." says Broken.

"This witch-hunt has GOT to stop, besides you're not really real and the tree bark told me this morning that you're not even Morrissey."

Broken looks over to Jjaz who rolls her eyes. JB is rubbing his blue rose tattoo and Our Mozzer is jutting his jaw out and gazing out of the window.

Our Mozzer stands up.

"Is there a problem here?" He asks in a soft voice, grimacing and poking his tongue into his left cheek.

"Yes," says the man. "This c*** is harassing this woman and claiming she called him a fag!"

"But she did!" cries the whole table, except Sabine and Chuck.

"She wouldn't.... proof!" cries Chuck.

"She mocked my suicide attempt in 2011" adds Broken, looking quite serious.

"Non-existent people can't kill themselves" laughs the man, gazing down at his film-themed t-shirt and wondering what he can eat next.

"I didn't say that anyway!" shouts Sabine. "My son tweeted it!"

"Leave this woman alone, c***" shouts the man. "Here's my mobile, phone me, c***. If you dare, c***."

Our Mozzer licks his lips.

"I heard her say it, and I blocked her a few years ago for saying it, old son," says OM.

"But I didn't say it!" shrieks Sabine. "I wouldn't do something like that."

"You have said it and you've apologised for it," says Broken in a mellow voice. "There are witnesses."

"Look I've already apologised for that - stop raking up the past!" Sabine cries.

"Proof please!" shouts Chuck in floods of tears. "All I'm asking for is proof!"

"But your friends witnessed it - just ask them."

"It's true," says Heather and Lizzy in unison.

"Prove it! I'm only asking for proof!" cries Chuck, standing up and storming out of the café, before reappearing at the doorway.

"I want proof - is that too much to ask?" she screams.

Jjaz rolls her eyes.

"Look, Sabine admitted she mocked my suicide. It's even on the MW archives. But we don't need to post that because Heather and Lizzy witnessed it!"

"My son logged on and made that comment!" cries Sabine.

"See! You lying scum!" screams Chuck. "You bully! Leave us alone!"

"Your son?" laughs OM, stroking his chin.

"Stop this at once," mutters the man, gazing at his t-shirt and wondering what to eat next.

"OK chaps, we'll move over there," says Broken quite calmly.

Our Mozzer nods softly, grimacing and licking his lips.

"Stop right there, b*****!" comes a loud voice from the other side of the café.

"You can't b******d leave! You b******d treating Chuck like this!"

"Pardon?" asks Broken.

"Bullying a helpless woman because she'd defending another helpless woman, who was probably only defending another helpless-"

"I'm just moving away from the homophobic abuse and rudeness," interrupts Broken.

"You can't leave! You can't leave! Don't you dare go! And don't you DARE close down the blog, you cruel b******d!"

"OK let's go home. This is insane," says Broken. He, OM, Jjaz and JB stand up and leave.

"I knew there was something not right about him," murmurs Lizzy, looking at Broken.

"Not a very nice man," says the man. "And your aweful grammer!"

As they leave, someone throws a piece of fruit at Broken.

"Perhaps now the bullying will stop" says Chuck to Sabine.

"Don't count on it," she says, with a roll of the eyes. "The f*g is a right c***."

"All I asked for was proof!" shrieks Chuck, in tears. "Is that TOO much to ask?"

Sabine nods, her eyes closing as she downs her tea.

"I hope this isn't the end," says Heather. "I love the BRS."

"I know... it's awful," says Lizzy. "After we've spent all these years following the blog and twitter too! All the time and effort we've expended. Where's the loyalty? Where?"

Sabine nods.

"Nasty bullies!" says Chuck.

Lizzy runs to the door and shouts down the street: "You scum have no loyalty to your loyal readers! How dare you close the blog down after upsetting my friend Sabine! I tell you what! I don't give a fig for your blog anymore! You've ruined it all!"

Day 2053 - Pure Greek

January 19, 2017, 10:20 am

≫ Next: Day 2055 - Competitive hair

≪ Previous: Day 2051 - "Morrissey would never"....Yet again!

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Two more articles have been published on the True Morrissey blog, one yesterday and one today. Here is the first, entitled Symbol and Surface, which is all about Oscar Wilde and the role of the artist as seen by Our Mozzer:

18 January 2017
Symbol and Surface 



There is no explanation needed of the works of Wilde. Even the most sexually stringent sexually minded Victorian saw the metaphors and understood. Perhaps the most complex of characters was not so complex at all. He had Victorian society in awe when he ripped into the sky that they sheltered themselves under in regards to morality and ‘sexual correctness’. He showed the contradictions and utter absurdity of the time in which they found themselves and in which they conned themselves into thinking they were actually living. When Wilde finished his many masterpieces the jokes did not need explaining, people simply laughed because it was true. Since his tragic passing Oscar has become an icon. We trot him out to explain a plethora of situations. In essence Oscar has become in our time what he should have been in his own time. He is no longer looked upon as the criminal par excellence but as a maladjusted malcontent who could not fit into a society which quite frankly was not worth fitting into.

The event that would befall Oscar and rip to shreds his legacy and tarnish the varnish of his name was the act then called sodomy but what we now call Pure Greek. Rumours were of course persistent before the tragic unveiling of Oscar as the Victorian persona non grata but his talent outweighed the maliciousness. Once the 'sordid', sordid by Victorian standards not ours, details were revealed the public almost choked on their potato dinner. The fact is the personal life of the public artist shocked those who had once been enthralled. The message here? Do not take things at face value.

The artists image or indeed the public image presented by the artist does not match with the true person. As Oscar himself told us 'All art is at once surface and symbol. Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril. Those who read the symbol do so at their peril." Those who take public statements as the truth are very simple. The artist lies. Why? To present a more rounded and decent picture of themselves usually. Or simply that the artist is forever changing and adapting to the times. Sometimes they even shape the times. The artist constantly evolves. But the artist is devoid from the person for it is true that creation truly begins when you are born and only ends when you die.

It is an interesting and thought provoking piece, which once again shows that those three denials made by Morrissey on TTY regarding him having a blog should NOT have been taken at face value - "THE ARTIST LIES".

Even more interesting than the actual article, was the photo that accompanied it - a photo of Oscar that Morrissey has previously used with the words 'Smiths is Dead' written on it, but most noticeably the word 'dead' has been blanked out. It ain't rocket science, and as OM said to me in the confines of his chat room yesterday evening, "it is one for the archives". Oh the secrets this little blog of mine holds.



Also whilst in the chat room last night, OM took the trouble to explain to me what 'Pure Greek' meant, as I had no idea - after all, I am an uneducated and unread philistine. He said:

Pure Greek my dear rat is what Oscar Wilde quipped to a vicar when he was playing in a garden with Alfred Douglas and the vicar took issue. "What is all this?" the vicar said. "This my child is Pure Greek" replied Oscar.

Further research has led me to realise that the Greeks were rather keen on their man love. I really, really am SO poorly educated. Whilst researching, I found an interesting piece by a now deceased french author called Michel Foucault, who wrote in his book The History of Sexuality, "Greece as the historical memory of a treasured past was romanticised and idealised as a time and a culture when love between males was not only tolerated but actually encouraged, and expressed as high ideal of same-sex camaraderie." So now I know!



The only other revelation from last night's time in the chat room, is that OM declared, "Johnny and I are on better terms, this is true." 

The other new piece on the True Morrissey blog is a diary entry entitled January 4th - January 9th:

19 January 2017

January 4th - January 9th 

Crawled into bed on the 4th and did not crawl out again until the 9th. Purchased thermal vest and undergarments from the internet. This cold is blistering and I refuse to pay for central heating. It annoys my skin but more importantly it costs money that diminishes the piggy bank. I could always turn up at Boz’s house with a depressed eyebrow. He will show sympathy and let me in. I notice his central heating is always on, how does he afford it? *** Consider lowering wages in 2017.* 

Played online monopoly against a user called ‘Drummerboysmith’, I suspect Joyce of course and play an outstanding defensive game of monopoly. He was the bank. Well I was not surprised.

Looked at so-low. They are debating whether I have a twitter account or not. Joyce again. He probably posted this thread as he wants to see if he was blocked by the real Morrissey. He is no doubt stalking all possible Morrissey accounts to see if they are spending any of his money.

Fax machine was non-stop noise. I refuse to answer. I am an icon and do things on my own terms. Anyway it will only be my b****** lawyer.

Fell asleep to the sounds of Nico. Beautiful voice, beautiful face, ugly toes.

And finally, Manc Lad left a great little story in the comments section of yesterdays FTM, that he claims to be true. Apparently Morrissey was overheard in the Altrincham WH Smith asking the lad behind the counter if he had any stamps without the Queen's head on. Comedy gold.

Day 2055 - Competitive hair

January 21, 2017, 9:35 am

≫ Next: Day 992 - Morrissey Speaks

≪ Previous: Day 2053 - Pure Greek

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Our Mozzer (@seminalartiste) made a visit to The Wrong Arms yesterday evening, bringing with him a photograph of himself, in which he looked rather 'overly' tanned. He was accompanied by Dawn Mist (@slightdawnmist)



DAWN: Is that a Damart vest I see?

OM: Pure Gucci as you are well aware.

RAT: Lies, lies, lies. Gucci don't do thermals!

DAWN: I noticed he's learnt to apply the "fake bake" rather well.

OM: One does not apply these things themselves. Boz tried. Although not before he tasted a whole bottle. I'm not entirely sure it was even vegetarian.

RAT: Surely a breech (sic) of contract. You should've docked his wages - just to be on the safe side.

DAWN: If he did that Boz would refuse to bed bath OM again.

OM: He still owes me £3000 for the meeting with Gwen Stefani.

RAT: You had to pay to meet her?

OM: I was under the impression it was Lady Gaga.


MORRISSEY WITH GWEN STEFANI.....OR GAGA....OR SOMEONE ELSE

Earlier in the evening, Dawn had entered The Arms to invite people to join OM in the lighthouse (the TM chat room), where he was "hoovering".

Unfortunately I was not online at the time of the invite, so have no idea which of the regulars joined M in the lighthouse, nor know what was discussed. If anyone reading this was there, then please feel free to leave a report in the comments section below.

Heather also didn't make it, but later replied to Dawn's invite to offer her apologies. Dawn replied, "OM was mainly hoovering the cobwebs from his quiff".
I asked, "Where does he keep his quiff these days - is it in a box?", to which Dawn answered, "It's currently at Raouls being tweaked to perfection. Competition is pending - JM."


RAOUL'S  - WIG MAKERS SINCE 1899


JM - COMPETITIVELY HIRSUTE

I also enjoyed a brief chat with OM in the toilets of The Arms last night. He informed me that he has written a new Bans Committee parody piece, but doesn't think we deserve to have it yet. He also said that he wished he could start his blogging/tweeting career all over again, but would it have worked out any differently? Those original TTY denials were just too subtle. I actually think M is quite content with how the past 6 years have panned out.

I shared with OM my news that I have just been employed on a local basis as a writer/journalist - I have always wanted to write professionally. M offered me a few 'pen names', and said that he thinks he would have made a good journalist - I think he's right, although with his tendency to lie, he might have ended up being the subject of one of his own songs!

---

Day 992 - Morrissey Speaks

June 2, 2014, 5:43 am

≫ Next: Day 1001 - The Curtain Falls

≪ Previous: Day 2055 - Competitive hair

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More footage has emerged from the Miami concert on Sunday, including the BRS theme tune, Trouble Loves Me. Trouble Loves Me really is the greatest song in the history of popular music, and in Miami, Morrissey showed his love of the BRS by singing it whilst sporting a heart of sweat:



Before singing Trouble in Miami, Morrissey had talked to the audience about why he doesn't vote, which leads me nicely onto a subject I wrote about yesterday; Harvest record company.

When Morrissey signed for Harvest, I started following a twitter user called Bich Ngoc Cao (@madcao), mainly because her profile describes her as the "digital Marketing Director @harvest_records". One might think that Ms Cao would spend her time tweeting all things Morrissey, especially when he released both WPINOYB and Istanbul as DIGITAL DOWNLOADS, but no, Ms Cao spends most of her time tweeting for people to vote for a slimy looking politician in LA called Bobby Shriver. In fairness to Ms Cao, she is aware of Morrissey's existence, because she has posted the following tweets about him:

MAY 11: "Morrissey walked onstage to deafening screams. It was intense @Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum."

MAY 11: "Our little record label @harvest_records got a thank you from Morrissey from the stage. That was sweet."

MAY 13: (Retweeting @harvest_records) "Pre-order Morrissey's new album WorldPeaceIsNoneOfYourBusiness and watch his new video now."

AND THAT'S IT!

The @Harvest_records twitter account is no better! Their promotion so far of either WPINOYB or Istanbul amounts to a retweet on May 13th of our very own @heathercat222's tweet which read, "Now listening to worldpeaceisnoneofyourbusiness. It's absolutely glorious. Can't wait for rest of the album."

Harvest also announced through twitter that they had taken over the @itsmorrissey twitter account, but instead of promoting WPINOYB to the 285,000 people following that account, they closed it! HARVEST ARE USELESS! If World Peace Is None of Your Business does get to Number 1, or even into the charts at all for that matter, it will be purely and simply because Morrissey has once again written more great songs, and because he IS Morrissey. Any success of WPINOYB will have nothingwhatsoever to do with the abilities of Bich and her team, and yet you can bet your bottom dollar that all at Harvest will be shouting from the rooftops if the album hits the top. Oh, Steve Barnett, so much to answer for.



(L TO R) BICH NGOC CAO (DIGITAL MARKETING DIRECTOR HARVEST RECORDS) & A PUPPET

So, as the digital marketing director at Harvest continues to promote Bobby Slither, Morrissey continues to promote his own singles, and today has seen the release of another spoken word video, this time for Earth is the Loneliest Planet.

The main difference between the video for EITLP and the previous three, is that this one is not indoors, it has been shot up the Capitol Tower, and features Morrissey with..... PAMELA ANDERSON, yes, that PAMELA ANDERSON!







Both Morrissey and Pamela Anderson are high profile supporters of PETA, and it HAS to be said, they are a great pair.


Here are Our Mozzer's twitter highlight's from yesterday:

"I've forgotten everything I once knew about human suffering. Now I know inhuman suffering."

"@AustinMahone He can't sing. He can't dance. This one can't even speak."


AUSTIN MAHONE - YET ANOTHER NONSENSE NON-STAR.... WHO I HAVE TO CONFESS, I HAD NEVER HEARD OF UNTIL YESTERDAY'S TWEET!

In response to @smashingblouse7 asking, "All love is a lie? Or just the love YOU give or receive":
"@smashingblouse7 It's rather ambiguous, which is only as it should be."

"@BoyGeorge Did you like my latest Twitter escapade? Even the official account wasn't me! No one 'got it, Boy.' Not even you. If one reads all 3710 tweets, it's hard not to conclude I am me. The only question is - who is 'me?'"



Boy George replied to Our Mozzer with, "@MorrisseyParody You keep me young! X"

"@BoyGeorge Why isn't the 'who is MorrisseysWorld?' phenomenon more popular than life itself by now? Am I not at all interesting? I had anticipated a greater interest in what I'm doing, but my Twitter account remains undiscovered everywhere but Los Angeles. In LA, some of the Moz Angeleans spray"Morrissey is MorrisseysWorld (and MorrisseyParody)" on walls. Blue Roses everywhere."

"I'm the Wilde of Twitter; and like in Wilde's latter years, everyone who 'loved me' forgot this fact for three or four years."

"Wilde's life was ended by prison life. My life is my prison - and it seems almost endless."

"My principal contribution to Twitter was the proper use of the semicolon; it changed the lives of over 642 people."

Our Mozzer retweeted this tweet from @Banjaxer, "@MorrisseyParody Alright mush. If great interest is your aim why not do something to earn it? TRM never has any problem doing that."

"@TheRatsBack, Your blog is my only remaining inspiration." *blushes and looks to floor... smiling*

"@TheRatsBack I Will See You in Nearby Places." WHAT can this mean? Is he coming round for tea... or perhaps... *coughs*

"One Direction are so mindless, one can't remember whether there are four or five; moreover one doesn't care."

"@piersmorgan Piers may well come back to TV. Most likely this will be CCTV, as Piers returns to stalking public figures."

@LouiseMensch lOUISE, i enjoyed your comments on aid to countries which promote sexism and homophobia. Thus in the middle east we should support only Israel. I am tired of my money being given to bigots. Nonetheless, Israel really doesn't need our financial support, so in fact none of our money should go to any Islamic country, or any in the middle east." WHY, OH WHY did Morrissey decide not to go to a larger audience as @itsmorrissey?.... but I am glad he didn't!

MORRISSEY (WEARING HIS BLUE ROSE TIE) RECEIVING THE KEY TO THE CITY OF TEL AVIV - "ISRAEL DOESN'T NEED OUR FINANCIAL SUPPORT" - OUR MOZZER

"@DrDevereux One day your decision to ignore MorrisseysWorld will look like a poor one. The only group which knows less about the world than the illiterate class is academia."

"I'm too witty for public consumption."

"I'm the darling of twitter - it's just that nobody has realised it yet."

"I am a corpse, and I'm not even dead."

In response to @PapaSonsFilm's tweet asking, "@MorrisseyParody When did you last sing? When did you last dance? When did you last tell stories? Has it been a long time?":

"@PapaSonsFilm Nineteen minutes ago: I sang Cough Syrup. I've never danced. I tell stories when drunk, which requires a lot of gin these days."

COUGH SYRUP BY YOUNG THE GIANT - STILL A FAVOURITE OF OUR MOZZER'S - (INTERESTING FACT - DESPITE ONLY REACHING NO.95 ON THE BILLBOARD CHART, COUGH SYRUP HAS RECEIVED 13,267,022 HITS ON YOUTUBE)

I will sign off for today with a link to BRS member George Edge's review of Istanbul: http://edgeindustrialphotography.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/morrissey-releases-another-brand-new.html

*Goes off singing* Earth is the loneliest planet of all, earth is the loneliest planet of all

TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 22

1. TROUBLE LOVES ME (LIVE IN SANTA ANA WEARING THE BLUE ROSE) - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmvZvitpZ_U&feature=youtu.be + In Miami: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfB9snjudt4&list=UURj7NOEAr9Nt2XZHeERWA4g

2. LIFE IS A PIGSTY (LIVE IN MEMPHIS) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-p_uUmLRr0

3. FIRST OF THE GANG TO DIE (LIVE IN NASHVILLE WITH HEATHER'S BLUE ROSE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaE2PXxQN8s

4. WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS (LIVE IN MEMPHIS) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY):https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEl-M1fBJ6Y

5. EARTH IS THE LONELIEST PLANET (LIVE IN AUSTIN) - MORRISSEY (UP 5): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBow542wo_I  + PROMO VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4HWCAvwkIo

6. ISTANBUL (LIVE IN BEAUMONT) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvW0Uhxt5Gk

7. ASLEEP (LIVE IN MEMPHIS) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00qTEXKsxyY&list=UURj7NOEAr9Nt2XZHeERWA4g

8. HOW SOON IS NOW? (LIVE IN NASHVILLE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_CnEj8FGZ4

9. THE BULLFIGHTER DIES (LIVE IN NASHVILLE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqh5w0muWDU&list=UURj7NOEAr9Nt2XZHeERWA4g

10. CERTAIN PEOPLE I KNOW (LIVE IN ST PETERSBURG) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-iAbMZ_FAU

11. YES, I AM BLIND (LIVE IN MEMPHIS) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VykCIt0dRtw

12. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY (LIVE IN MEMPHIS) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J1Yt_jOgDE

13. I HAVE FORGIVEN JESUS (LIVE IN MIAMI) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKxl6N-182E

14. HAND IN GLOVE/SPEEDWAY (LIVE IN ST PETERSBURG) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPxe-tByLcg

15. TO GIVE (THE REASON I LIVE) (LIVE IN MIAMI) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WVH6ZqFYLA

16. RING OF FIRE - JOHNNY CASH (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It7107ELQvY

17. I'M LEFT, YOU'RE RIGHT, SHE'S GONE - ELVIS PRESLEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtjNvIAOVr8

18. LES MOUSTACHES - SACHA DISTEL (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrQTwFvH3Bg

19. TIL I GET IT RIGHT - TAMMY WYNETTE (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2zUrXB2Wd8

20. ANGEL OF THE MORNING - BILLIE DAVIS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aQ7nimVmXM

21. NIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN - BILLIE DAVIS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi5DqcEOZ8o

22. UNKNOWN SPECIES - PRETTY LITTLE DEMONS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aT_xWcXK6Z8

Day 1001 - The Curtain Falls

June 11, 2014, 6:55 am

≫ Next: Day 1704 - 5 Years

≪ Previous: Day 992 - Morrissey Speaks

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Morrissey has announced through his TTY website that the rest of the tour is over. He is still ill.

Tuesday June 10th

Morrissey announces the close down of the present U.S. tour with "unimaginable sorrow".
On Saturday, June 7th, following the show at Boston Opera House, Morrissey collapsed and was rushed to Massachusetts General Hospital where doctors treated Morrissey for "acute fever". Difficulties had arisen on May 31st following Kristeen Young's opening set at the Miami Knight Concert Hall, after which Kristeen confessed to "a horrendous cold", the symptoms of which were passed on to Morrissey resulting in the cancellation of the next show in Atlanta.
For the good of all, Kristeen was asked to step down from the immediate upcoming shows, but instead she decided to leave the tour entirely. Morrissey and the band wish her well and hope she is now in good health.
Morrissey received medical attention in Miami, and once again in Boston, but it was not enough to shake off the virus, the recovery time for which is too lengthy to meet the final 9 shows of the tour.
Morrissey and the band are otherwise delighted and very grateful for their experiences on the U.S. tour, some shows of which they considered to be their best-ever, most notably:

1 BOSTON Opera House
2 LOS ANGELES Sports Arena
3 BEAUMONT Julie Rogers Theater
4 NASHVILLE Ryman Auditorium
5 MEMPHIS Orpheum Theater

As Morrissey's TTY statement has made no mention of the Santa Ana concert; where he wore a blue rose whilst singing Trouble Loves Me, it is my feeling that the whole MorrisseysWorld/Blue Rose phenomenon is now over.

I expect this will be my last blog entry, but as I was moaning the other day that I didn't have enough time, I should be pleased! Needless to say, I am anything but pleased. You should always be careful for what you wish for.

Before I go, and just for the record, here are Our Mozzer's last two contributions to FTM, posted via his secretary, 'R':

Morrissey has left a new comment on your post "Day 999 - Never a third":

Our Mozzer sent me this email today:

"For Following The Mozziah Comments:

I left the building long ago. Too much hatred and homophobia infested the corridors of the Blogs, if not the Blue Rose Society itself. My right hand man Broken, who wrote much of the blog and actually created at least 30% of the tweets sent in my name (though he'd never say so publicly) has been treated very poorly. Even comments supportive of him, asking why today's blog is about Fifi - a woman with no connection either to MW, OM or Morrissey as far as one can tell - rather than about the final sad departure of a brilliant wit, poet and friend, Broken, have been deleted. Broken will find new projects; sadly I shall not. The death of MorrisseysWorld has created a void which I doubt will ever be filled. Thank you to the friends we shared the journey with. Farewell from a strange and not particularly contented place. OM"

'R'
Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 9 June 2014 18:30



Morrissey has left a new comment on your post "Day 1000 - It's the same old S.O.S":

First Anon10 June 2014 09:15

To elaborate, I'm not saying that Fifi is a bad person, or that she is unapproachable or threatening (!!!), or that her contributions didn't or shouldn't have value to some people (although I think most would agree that they were dragged on way beyond their charms).

I'm saying that Fifi seems to directly pretend to be Morrissey in private emails with Rat, which Rat appears to believe (despite it being almost certainly untrue), and this belief is corrupting Rat's coverage of MW.

MW began (and flourished for almost 3 years) as a delicate and at times very carefully crafted satire of modern values, human doubt, the creative process, ego, and much more besides. It was flooded with that same melancholic ironic awareness which tints every work of art I adore. While Fifi's contributions (and Rat's reactions to them) may present another element of mystery, they lack all of those qualities which made MW special. They read more like the pages of a David Icke forum thread than MW - which has its charms, certainly, but is that why we're here?

The more people shift towards this particularly flimsy pseudo-mystical angle, the harder it becomes for MW to maintain the things which made it special. Fifi writes openly like an American, and probably is - fine, but she's pretending to be Morrissey. MW writes like a Brit who tries and fails to Americanise his British language in a limp attempt to carve out a new element to his own fragile identity. This is one of many beauties. Don't you people see this?

Our Mozzer emailed me today to praise this comment and to: 'thank the author. It has almost made the years of writing worthwhile - almost.'

'R'
Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 10 June 2014 15:06

FIFI - "WRITES OPENLY LIKE AN AMERICAN" - OUR MOZZER

Long time MorrisseysWorlder, 'Jon the Con' backed up the above comments, and posted this yesterday:

ConMorrissey Theorist has left a new comment on your post "Day 1000 - It's the same old S.O.S":

As likely to be Moz as Our Mozzer! Only in rat's mind !!!!

Tens of signs, four denials, the genius writing, tweeting and blogging... essay on the beginnings..

But Fifi has... an American writing style and a boring obsession with Cocteau!


I know where my allegiance lies. Shame on you Rat!!!

Same old SOS

Jon
Posted by ConMorrissey Theorist to Following The Mozziah at 10 June 2014 20:11


Shame indeed.



And now we just have to hope. Hope that Morrissey gets well soon, and hope that he still wants the BRS.

Day 1704 - 5 Years

May 14, 2016, 1:12 am

≫ Next: Day 1705 - Little streamer, stream on!

≪ Previous: Day 1001 - The Curtain Falls

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Five years ago today, a statement was posted on True-To-You  entitled, Morrisseysworld.blogspot, with the following wording:

"Morrissey would like it known that the site known as Morrisseysworld.blogspot is fake. Morrissey has no connection with the site and is therefore not the author of anything written on the site."



Prior to this statement, there had been NO mention ANYWHERE of the MorrisseysWorld blogsite, so why on earth did Morrissey draw attention to it? Why indeed!

If you can be bothered to read through this blog from the very beginning, you will not only find the answer, but you will also discover a whole lot more.... and Morrissey.




























"The best mysteries are made never to be solved. Mystery is the soul of art, just as certainty is the soul of science." - Our Mozzer

BlueRoseSociety.tumblr.com 

Day 1705 - Little streamer, stream on!

May 15, 2016, 9:56 am

≫ Next: Day 2065 - NEVER start at midnight

≪ Previous: Day 1704 - 5 Years

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My blog entry of yesterday; marking the 5 year anniversary of MorrisseysWorld, had the lowest number of page views since I first started writing this blog. With the exception of a handful of loyal readers who have continued to stay involved with the MorrisseysWorld phenomenon, everyone else has bailed out. Those who had been reading my blog because they had a hunch that perhaps the deluded dozen might just have got it right, have obviously now lost interest, and discarded their hunch. I doubt even Rosy Mires reads FTM anymore.

I remain baffled as to HOW Morrissey fans failed to see what was right in front of their eyes, but I am no longer shocked. Over time I have come to realise that unless something has a 'tick' of authenticity, or unless people are TOLD something by  someone in 'authority', then it simply CANNOT be true. Morrissey couldn't have been involved with MorrisseysWorld because Morrissey didn't say so; in fact, he said the opposite, so that was good enough for the masses. The story ends.

MORRISSEY'S DENIALS AND PICTURES LIKE THIS ONE ON THE MORRISSEYSWORLD BLOG, CONVINCED MORRISSEY FANS LIKE ROSY MIRES THAT HE WASN'T INVOLVED

Yesterday, Morrissey issued a statement on True-To-You congratulating the Smiths, Stephen Street and Rough Trade for, "30 fantastic years of sales for The Queen Is Dead, which is 30 years old in June." It is quite possibly the nicest thing that Morrissey has said about Judas Joyce in the last 20 years!


MORRISSEY AND STREET

The TTY statement went on to add, "I urged Warner UK to issue a social 'The Queen Is Dead' single release for the first week of June... but... brick wall. Bleeding to death, I therefore have the restless gall to ask of you that, should you have 99 cents/pence that you purchase 'The Queen Is Dead' track in the final week of May, thus possibly edging it into the corner of everyone's ear in the UK Top 100."



I really CANNOT understand why Warner UK would not want to release a 30th Anniversary single; particularly as Jeff Buckley's version of The Boy With the Thorn in His Side sits proudly at the top of the Official UK Singles Vinyl Chart for a second consecutive week, but they must have their reasons - as Morrissey also wrote in the TTY statement, "perhaps some label bosses have their eye on a tatty OBE".


MAX LOUSANA - CEO WARNER MUSIC UK - AFTER A TATTY OBE FROM HIS QUEEN?

There is currently HUGE interest and demand in vinyl, and only two days ago, a real hubbub occurred when a new Radiohead 7" turned-up in independent record shops - it sold out within hours. A The Queen Is Dead 7" would undoubtedly have created a similar hubbub.



Following on from the TTY statement, my immediate thought was to start a campaign to get people downloading The Queen Is Dead in the week commencing Friday May 27th - Morrissey's thinking, no doubt, is to have TQID in the chart in the week leading up to Elizabeth Battybird's 'official' 90th birthday on June 11th.

As I don't have Facebook, I posted a tweet urging people to buy TQID from May 27th, and asked all of my 143 followers to re-tweet my tweet, to help spread the word. I got a grand total of 9 retweets! It dawned on me that I wasn't going to be very useful in this campaign, so paid a visit to the Morrissey Solow website, to see what they were doing to get The Queen is Dead into the chart. As it is a Smiths song and not a Morrissey solo song, I had hopes that Uncle Skinny & Co would, for once, be positive about such a campaign, but as soon as I read Skinny calling the idea "sad" and him telling anyone who would listen that the song is not in fact about the Royal family in any way, shape or form, I realised Solow would be as useless as ever... and also realised that Peter Finan (Uncle Skinny) remains a cunt of the highest order. He is so far down his hole of hatred, that all he can now see is darkness and dirt.


WHY INDEED!

This morning, as I sat thinking how I could get a campaign going to get The Queen is Dead into the chart; similar to the campaign that successfully got Killing in the Name to No.1 and Ding Dong The Witch is Dead to No.2, it suddenly dawned on me that in 2016, it is in fact impossible to manipulate a song into the charts. In 2014, chart rules changed, allowing audio streams to count towards the UK Singles Chart. Inevitably, just as the 7" vinyl replaced the 10" shellac, and the CD single replaced the 7", and the download replaced the CD single, the audio stream has now replaced the download; to such an extent that Apple are now planning to TERMINATE downloading within the next two years - the download's dead boys, and it's so lonely on a stream.



My two offspring - I can no longer call them children - are 16 and 17, and listen to music all day, every day. They are typical teenagers, and like all of their friends, neither of them owns ANY FORM of physical music whatsoever. They both pay a monthly subscription to Spotify, and have NO INTEREST  in 'owning' copies of the songs they listen to. This is the modern world.

The music industry has gone through unbelievable changes over the past decade, but if the 'buying' of downloads does disappear, I see it as a really positive thing for both music consumers, and  recording artists. It would effectively leave two consumer camps: those who want to OWN a copy of the music they listen to - like me - and those who want to RENT a copy of the songs they listen to - like my kids. It would be a bit like the housing market, with the purchased download representing nothing more than a holiday, and not a home at all - you pay for it, but have nothing to show after. The way I see it working, is that a record or CD is released on a certain date, with a free download code, and it is then made available for audio streaming very soon after. This is pretty much what happens with film releases.

As for a track from The Queen is Dead getting into the chart, I guess that is only likely to happen when Battybird dies, or when Moz dies.

In other news, Mademoiselle Fifi popped into The Wrong Arms this afternoon, to listen to me playing Diana Dors's, Hooray For Love on the jukebox, and to exchange a few nothings with myself and Manclad. If only the masses and those with hunches had realised. Oh well!

Day 2065 - NEVER start at midnight

January 31, 2017, 4:05 pm

≫ Next: Day 2071 - Tours from the lighthouse

≪ Previous: Day 1705 - Little streamer, stream on!

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Our Mozzer has returned to Twitter, a Smiths single is soon to be released and the Morrissey band are heading back to the stage...the wheels are back on the wagon, and we're rolling!

Having closed his Twitter account following his defeat in the Moz Army quiz of Friday night, Our Mozzer (@seminalartiste) returned to The Wrong Arms yesterday afternoon and announced, "I have licked my wounds and devised my own quiz. 9pm, Friday. Be there."However, when Andy B (@TonyMerchison) asked him this evening if his quiz was prepared, OM replied, "the quiz is cancelled due to an illness in the quizzing party. Deep sadness." - Why should public appearances on Twitter be any different to the outside world? At least this time Kristeen Young can't be blamed; who incidentally is set to play four nights in London during February to promote her forthcoming albumLive At the Witch's Tit, which has to be the greatest album title EVER. Unfortunately the four nights in London are all Tuesdays, which means I cannot get to go, which is disappointing to say the least.



The new Smiths single; which looks set to be released at some time soon, is a 12" vinyl of The Queen is Dead - the song Morrissey had wanted Warner Bros to release last year to mark the 30th anniversary of the LP - I guess better late than never.



There hasn't actually been an official announcement about this new Smiths release, unlike the announcement made on TTY at the end of November regarding a forthcoming 7" release of The Boy With The Thorn In His Side - which two months on, still hasn't seen the light of day.

I am guessing that both singles will be released on Record Store Day in April; although I hope not because hundreds of otherrecords get released at the same time, which means that reaching Number 1 in the Official UK vinyl chart for either of these two singles would become a lottery. If the records were to be released during any other week of the year, it only needs approximately 200 sales to achieve a No.1; and although charts may not matter to many people these days, they do matter to Morrissey.

And Morrissey isn't the only artist to be concerned with charts, if you read the excited tweets of artists who have reached No.1 in the Vinyl Chart; such as my current favourite band The Sherlocks  (who I am going to see live in Feb), then you can see what a buzz it can bring.



Anyway, enough about the Smiths...for now, let me briefly return to the tweets of both Our Mozzer and Dawn Mist (@slightdawnmist), which although not many in number, hold secrets to be told.

On Sunday at 5.30pm, Dawn tweeted, "Peru, Peru - my heart's lighthouse", which tended to suggest that a concert may well have been booked for, er, Peru, but yesterday evening, OM turned up in The Arms to announce, "Peril in Peru", which now tends to suggest, it's over before it began.

However, even if Peru isn't happening, it has this evening been announced that a headline slot at a Mexican festival IS. This announcement doesn't come as a complete surprise, because a tweet from Dawn yesterday evening looks to have been a HUGE hint.

At 10.40pm, Dawn entered The Wrong Arms and played the Killers song Midnight Show on the jukebox, before adding, "I'd NEVER start at midnight". Dawn then followed this up with, "You'd do well to NEVER remember that". One presumes that Morrissey's Mexican headline slot is a midnight kick off....but how could an unknown, unofficial Twitter account with just 47 followers possibly know that?




And finally, earlier today; after I had tweeted a picture of a lighthouse that I had only just seen on the Dawn Mist blogsite, Our Mozzer took to Twitter to berate my slackness in observation, tweeting, "one does not laze around LA all day and expect to hear that his staff are being incompetent." He's back in LA?